Time doesn’t fly!

Time doesn’t fly!
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“How time flies!” meeting after a long time, a friend exclaimed. “You have not changed much.” she added.

I am usually dumbstruck when someone from remote past meets enthusiastically and presumes you are the same person. If at all I remember the name and reference from the past, I do ask some “safe” questions, but mostly remain a poor communicator compared to the hyper-dramatic “hug and hold and be ecstatic” types. As she went away apparently amused and with a promise to keep in touch, my mind lifted the curtain upon a full blown orchestra in waiting within it.

Did time fly?
No. It walked very slowly, laboriously, and made me older than I ought to have been. It ate into my youth like a tyrant, laughing aloud, meaning to humiliate openly, as if asking “You wanted this life, so pay for it. You couldn’t choose to do what most do. You had to listen to yourself”.

Time showed me the irony: that nothing good gets rewards in life, unless you learn the language of spiritual satisfaction. It showed me the compromises lurking on every nook and corner leading to success, fame and riches. It taught me that the price of being right is loneliness. It made me look skywards every other day, seeking intervention and justice from the divine, for things not only my own, but those suffering around me too. It also taught me patience.

Patience that must outlast its own being meaningful, patience that must last beyond life itself.

Time took away the innocence, the faith, the trust that I came with to life. It made heavy each bit of each moment when the rolling tears had a reflection of laughing friends in it, they didn’t turn away then, they just denied those tears! The margins between friends, enemies and strangers were blurred by the mysterious paintings of that eternal artist: time.

Time taught me the songs of hurt in the notes of happiness.

Not everyone lives in truth. Most who compromise and tell themselves “I am Happy” never get to know true happiness. There are rare truly happy people, with one common quality: they have less desire, less interaction and acceptance of themselves not being understood or accepted.
Otherwise in most cases true happiness is inversely proportional to the product of intelligence and sensitivity.

It is a sin, now I have started feeling, that we live among so many lies, afraid to fight them, scared to even think about things that are wrong just because of a persistent social phobia. In an attempt to forget the slow onslaught upon our very being by the passing time, we have chosen to find respite in food and entertainment, in words that please and amuse, and in running away from ourselves and home and even reality to distant destinations, only to return and find the old man ticking slowly.

Awareness of the genuine negativity in the world can be labeled depression only by the slow witted, slower by centuries!

Time doesn’t fly. It makes you pay for each moment. These moments are mostly so painful and filthy, so filled with labour and envy of the undeserving having it all, that we choose to only remember the “Good Bits”, hopping over the bad, hoping it will die away before us. It does not.

The quest for enlightenment comes only after one garners the ability to survive the truth. Of all pains in the world, of all difficulties in life, truth is the worst to bear. One starts to understand Lord Buddha only after that courage.

Next time I meet my friend, I will tell her that time didn’t fly. Also that I have changed, become a different person than the one she knew. Just to keep the books clean. One more stranger will be added to our list of acquaintances. She won’t care, nobody does about these things.

One more piece of life will so die.

Time doesn’t fly. Life does, in the opposite direction.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

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