Quit Quit

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

In the first year of medical school / MBBS, I had a heart break. It made me feel like quitting medicine as I did not feel like going to the same class again. I started bunking classes, spending a lot of time in a small book house which allowed you to read books without having to buy them. Costly coffee shops were not a fashion then. The phase lasted for about three months, till a professor (God bless him!) who knew me informed my parents when I bunked his class. A lot of firing, two tight slaps by mummy dearest, and I was back on track. I had hated that professor for some time and did not talk to my parents for the firing for a few days.

Towards the end of second year I got so engrossed with philosophy, poetry and study of different religious texts from various religions, that I was convinced I wanted to give up medicine and be a philosopher, author. I attended college but my mind was too occupied to concentrate. It was then that I came across a professor who was very brilliant and approachable. He told me to just ‘sail through’ and let the storms in my mind settle. “Teenagers like you must learn to tame the fires within” he said it wisely. I carried on.

Motivation to me is a myth. Some have it within themselves, some don’t. One who needs motivation keeps needing it all the time. I will do something else better maybe, but then I will have quit medicine. Over a period of time I learnt that no one succeeds by being half hearted. I don’t want to leave an unfinished task behind me. I didn’t want to be a quitter.

Then onwards I did fairly well and secured my MD seat. But a crueller test was written for my future.

I joined DM Neurology course in Mumbai. In a few days I had a terrible non-academic argument with one of the professors and was told to get out. Hurt, I left Mumbai and came to Pune. My sister had a rented flat, I stayed with her and mostly roamed alone, usually sitting and musing in a local garden Sambhaji Park. Grew a beard and a belly. I was ashamed to go back to my parents because I did not want to face them with an “I Can’t”.

A few days later, my father called. “Start the next thing today. Quit or don’t quit, but don’t waste time. Any decision in life should not take more than a few seconds to make. You only have to listen to your heart. Take a step, if wrong, correct it. Don’t hover”. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

I had desperately wanted to be a Neurology DM. That’s what my heart resounded. I joined back the next day. Since then, I have always made this rule for myself: never to prolong any decision making about my own life. It does not take more than a few peaceful seconds to listen to your heart and act upon it. The moment you allow others to choose for you, you create a mess. There are sometimes great sacrifices involved, one must give up a lot to pursue the path of the heart. But it is the most rewarding path to pursue. There’s nothing money can buy for an unhappy heart, so the choice of money over what your heart truly craves is always a mistake. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

There were times when I was angry and upset with parents, teachers, others who meant well and told me I was wrong. Looking back at what life has given me, I regret that. They too did not know the future like me, but they had deep faith in what I could achieve. Their anger, advice and reprimands came with the purest intentions of making my life the best it can be. Today when I have achieved more than what I set out to, I crave for one opportunity to meet each one of them and express my heartfelt gratitude towards them.

Medicine is gruelling. It is not for the weak hearted. Study for decades amongst a culture of corruption, socio-politically motivated decisions, unfair competitions, pathetic living conditions, and then face the tears, sickness, frustrations, accusations, deaths and ungrateful wrath of multitudes for all your life. But it is also the only profession which allows one human to literally take away pain, suffering and death from another. It is the only vocation that brings one closest to the highest form of human achievement: saving lives, easing pain, curing diseases. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

Many medical students as well as doctors at different stages in their career feel like quitting. I just want to remind them: one saved life, one smiling patient defeats all other negatives about this profession. You are the ONLY ONE who can make this possible. Others may or may not recognise this, it is for yourself. This is the best gift you can give yourself: the ability to save life.

It is the tendency to hover upon indecision, confusion and delay that one must quit. Quit the choice to quit. Life’s too beautiful to waste time when your heart always knows where to go.

In the memory of my father Dr. Kalidas Deshpande, on his birth anniversary (Ganesh Chaturthi).

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

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