All posts by RajasDeshpande

About RajasDeshpande

Neurologist. Love Poetry, Philosophy, Kindness, Laughing, Honesty (hence, single) and Complete, true Equality and Freedom. I am not against anyone. My wish is happiness for all. If you don't like something here, please forgive and forget. I don't matter much, neither does my opinion. But I will have made my effort to quote my truth in a journey to search my soul. The only worthwhile journey in life.

The Future Girl and Her Message


© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

At about 7 PM, I was about to finish the OPD at Ruby. One last patient was waiting, I could see her in the waiting hall outside.

My N95 was on since 10 AM, and I hadn’t had an opportunity to drink even water since I entered hospital at noon. Fatigued, thirsty and heavy-headed, like most doctors today.

‘This isn’t fair’, I was thinking, ‘I don’t deserve this torture after so many years of hard work. This pandemic seems unending, this stress is piling up on my mind and body now,. The world seems to have come to an inhuman standstill’.

The last patient walked jauntily in, a young girl of 27, her eyes smiled excited. She’s been my old case of epilepsy since last three years. She works in a virology research set up, and had told me six months ago that she’s working on Corona. Her parents are working as labourers in a local government factory.

“How are you?” I asked, mustering a smile she couldn’t see.

“All fine Sir, no fits at all. I just came to share a good news. An American University has liked my virology work and offered me a job for three years. I am leaving in three days. I will begin a new life, I have decided to spend it for virology research. I just came to say bye to you. I will of course keep in touch, but I will miss you there” and she touched my feet.

“God bless you. Stay safe at all costs. I am sure you will reach great heights and win a Nobel. Don’t forget your parents. Let me know if you need anything anytime “. I said what I could.

I was happy and sad at the same time. Happy for her career leap, and sad that such a brilliant scientist was leaving India.

I was startled that she had shaken away my fatigue and the pandemic rust that was accumulating on my mind. A sign of youth, she had taken the burning world around her as an opportunity rather than being cowed down by it. She was going to wear a mask almost all her career life, and the thought didn’t seem to affect her. She had accepted the reality faster than anyone I knew. A mind made for the future, she was travelling to the US (she has reached now) at a time that the world was locked down.

The world hasn’t come to a standstill, I realised. It is picking up. It will thrive again and boom in few months. Till then I must keep all negativity away. Till then I must do whatever it takes to survive and live the best life possible even in a pandemic. She had unknowingly come to deliver that special message before she left.

She left teary eyed and yet with a smile. My tiredness was gone. My spirits felt rejuvenated, I was grateful that she visited. Like every doctor who gets up and puts on his mask every morning for seeing their patients catch on with their life again.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

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Standing Ovation, Doctors with Hemlock

Standing Ovation, Doctors with Hemlock
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

It is not new that the world has chosen to torture and kill the right and good. From Socrates to Mahatma Gandhi, the speakers of truth and advocates of good have been punished by a majority addicted to the illusions of both. Socrates, who was declared guilty and awarded death by drinking poison hemlock, had a chance to escape. He chose not to. ‘A true philosopher is not afraid of death’ he said. He chose to drink the poison.

At this very moment, thousands of young doctors all over India have chosen not to run away from the deadly virus: because they believe in the ultimate sacrifice: for saving the life of millions. They are the true heroes of India. If a soldier dies, the whole nation rises to salute the sacrifice. Nearly 400 doctors die, and our administrators said they did not have information about it in the parliament. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Digital India, where there wasn’t a day without messages about Aadhar cards, PAN linking, etc., and so many other messages reached everyone, yet unable to know tell how many doctors died. We can tell exactly how many patients were positive, how many tests were done, how many discharged or recovered, but we cannot tell how many doctors died while treating them. Shame!

Thousands of junior / PG doctors, interns and medical officers are being forced to work not only against their wish, but against all fair constitutional rights. They are being threatened and punished even after overworking. Their salaries have been cut, some have not been paid for months now. Everyday, patients too are frantically searching for good covid care beds.

Hospitals are overflowing, no beds available in some places, many centers are closing down because of lack of resources, but what we really need now is an IPL. We don’t have money to pay the doctors, create more healthcare resources for thousands of dying patients, but we can definitely watch cricket and forget all that. There’s nothing wrong with sports or entertainment, but is this the right time? Will the IPL profits be used for creating more hospitals? All through the economic crisis, I was amazed by the perpetual news of few Indians getting higher on the list of the richest in the world. I do believe that they are good at whatever they do. However, what was most ironical was that yesterday I read the news of people urging one of India’s richest businessman to buy the Man-U team. Mind you, people did not want a hospital for the dying poor, people did not ask the billionaire to pay the unpaid covid warriors, they asked him for buying a football team!

Add to this the new law about Violence against healthcare workers “During pandemic”. How can this be best described? “No murders, crimes, corruption during summer months”? Or “No stupid talking between 10 AM and 10.30 AM”?© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

The point is, dear Covid warrior doctors, please understand that the society does not want you, it only wants your free service without offering either respect or remuneration. The government has not even responded to our petition about human rights for doctors who have been slogging, carrying the pandemic burden on their shoulders as everyone else hogs the credit of recovering patients. Postgrad medical students have been denied education in their own branch for over six months now. They have been denied leave, permission to meet sick parents, or even a quarantine after exposure that is followed world over. They also face extremely hostile relatives and goons every day in hospitals. Many doctors who died just as they started their careers, are not even acknowledged! Just as every responsible institution in the country has taken precautions to safeguard itself from the virus, working online, just as the parliament is mulling over whether to cut short the monsoon session as some members were positive, no one wants to think about those actually dying every day facing covid patients: our doctors.

I have never felt so frustrated about the future of doctors in India. I have carried a proud torch of being an Indian medico and am blessed to have a great connection with most present generations of brilliant doctors, but I haven’t slept peacefully last few months knowing that my juniors, students are left to die in the pandemic. Every effort being made is quashed or falls on deaf ears.

I can only say to every doctor in the covid ward right now: humanity will always be grateful to you for drinking this poison hemlock just like Socrates did: bravely and in service of truth and good. If Mahatma Gandhi was alive today, he won’t have published his own achievements, instead, he would have made the country realize how indebted it is to your sacrifice. I believe in the power of one. Mobs never achieve anything. Each one of you out there is a hero saving lives, even when your own countrymen seem to have forgotten and abandoned you.

My Standing Ovation to every doctor working right now anywhere in the world, especially in India.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Picture Courtesy: By Walter Crane The story of Greece : told to boys and girls (191-?) by Macgregor, Mary, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=32804549

The Good News: ‘Life Is In Brains’

Last three years we were planning a beautiful, comprehensive and patient friendly, “All under one roof” Neuroscience set-up at Ruby Hall Clinic.

Specialty Clinics for Multiple Sclerosis, Parkinson’s Disease, Epilepsy, Vertigo, Stroke, Brain Tumors, and all neurological investigations will be available here, on this floor. Also Neuropsychology, Speech Therapy and Counsellor for family members dealing with difficult illnesses.

My dynamic CEO Mr. Bomi Bhote has long dreamt of a world-class Neuroscience department at Ruby Hall.
“Give our society something to remember you for” he said often. I have tried my best to design this fully new Superspecality Neuroscience Department. After many meetings and many precious inputs from Dr. Purvez Grant, Dr. Manisha Karmarkar (COO), and Dr. Rebecca John, and the blessings of senior Doctors like Dr. Ravi Gulati, MD Dr. Sanjay Pathare we added one stop troubleshooting and convenience so that patients do not have to roam around.

Mr. Iqbal Chaney, Dr. Abhijit Rokade, Mr. Shailesh Kelkar, Mr. Avro Chatterjee, Mrs. Nilofer Shaikh, Mr. Tushar Patil, Ms. Ansha and so many others contributed to the efficient beauty of this set-up.

One item on the top of my bucket list thus ticked off: giving Pune, Maharashtra and India a Neuroscience Department to bank upon. This is just the beginning.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Orphaned Doctor, Change and Future

Orphaned Doctor, Change and Future

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

For two decades, I have taught medical batches one highest principle in medicine: To go out of your way to earn the patient’s confidence and trust, make the patient comfortable, understand their anger and frustration, and to never lose temper with a patient. Unfortunately, Covid 19 has started to change some of that. Because some patients and relatives do not listen. They do not care if they endanger other people’s life. They have no concept of importance of time and avoidance of “medical gossip”.

We must now treat everyone a potentially infectious source and take adequate care. Longer the exposure to a potential case, higher the chance of infection. That creates a new covid19 complication in our medical practice: dealing with the adamant, the slow, the repeating and the illogical. The days of personally explaining everything logically and patiently seem to be over, at least till the pandemic lasts, as extra time now means that much prolonged exposure. We should now record history with direct questions, examine and diagnose the patient, handover the list of tests if required and a prescription, and arrange for a telemedicine follow up of limited time to explain and discuss. In confirmed diagnoses, we can give the list of authentic websites which patient can read from and get their answers. That will eliminate a lot of unnecessary discussion and “unlimited questions because I paid for this consult”. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

To risk his / her own life can be a doctor’s choice, but I don’t think any doctor has the right to risk the lives of his / her own children, spouse and parents. I don’t think it is right for the doctor to ignore his responsibilities towards his children, spouse and parents because he has to serve others outside family.

No doctor can endanger other innocent patients and hospital staff by exposing them to adamant, careless patients who refuse to wear masks in waiting rooms. A doctor cannot have time to go out and fight, especially with our politically powered criminals. The only way-out seems to be politely refusing to see the patient who does not follow basic mask etiquette. What is the point of explaining to a patient or a relative who wears a mask on their neck, leaving the nose and mouth open?

Many a times the doctor can diagnose and prescribe for common ailments within minutes, but it is customary to listen to the patient, to pacify their anxiety, to explain in detail and address many a fears born of google searches. The more difficult a medical condition, the more frustrating it is to explain it to patients. In every branch of medicine, there indeed are many extremely complicated medical conditions, situations which the most brilliant doctors also must make efforts to grasp.

It took me 3 years of specialty education after completing DM Neurology to understand Multiple Sclerosis or Parkinson’s Disease well enough to treat it, and even after 25 years of practice, neither me nor any of my teachers- some topmost authorities in the world- who spent their life studying these conditions can claim to have understood them fully. There are far more complicated conditions of the brain we must still keep on studying. How can these be explained to everyone from every background in few minutes?

While the medical treatment is the same for the intellectually challenged and endowed, the former takes the cake here because they stop once they trust their doctor, the later rarely can. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

The Indian Doctor has been long orphaned by all. The pandemic has revealed the cruelty with which doctors are being exploited all over the country: especially the UG and PG students, interns and junior doctors. It is high time that every doctor takes charge of his / her own career, come out of exploiting contracts and services, even go to the courts if necessary, to be relieved of injustice, and start a good clean practice. That way at least one can serve many more patients, earn peace, satisfaction and funds, while also fulfilling the responsibility to safely look after one’s family. Resident doctors should seriously consider a national level petition to the courts of law about the various unfair practices being enforced at present.

We cannot change the clumsy, clueless, perpetually failing yet adamant mismanagers of the situation who unfortunately hold the reigns.

I’ve worked with orphans. They are most self-sufficient, beautiful souls who learn how to survive independently in a big bad world. I have learnt a lot from them, but the best thing they taught me was to not be affected by the false sympathy, artificial display of love, sweet talkers with black agendas and mean exploiters. They taught me that just holding hands without words at difficult times is far more meaningful than any huge boxes of chocolates, gifts, and to wit: thali, diya etc..

The key to wisdom is in silence. Doctors should silently change now.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

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#covid19, #pandemic, #India

Dear Indian Film Industry,

Dear Indian Film Industry,

We doctors support the sentiment of Producer’s Guild’s open letter today about relentless efforts to disrepute the entire film industry based upon some negative experiences.

But there’s a contradiction in that logic.

Please recall the umpteen times that the dignity of entire medical profession was decimated in films by showing all doctors and hospitals in poor light, casually beating them up by heroes. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Thanks to the dialogues like “They hook up dead bodies on ventilators to earn more money “, thousands of Indian patients who could have otherwise survived were disconnected from ventilators and taken home to die.

Thanks to one episode of Satyamev Jayate, thousands of great ethical Indian doctors suffered mistrust, vandalism and violence at the hands of malleable filmgoers.

The very ugly, dirty, cheap and below-the-belt jokes being cracked to gain TRPs by dressing up as doctors in comedy shows, addressing kidney thefts in films as if every doctor is involved, showing street goons teaching doctors humanity and not to wait for paperwork (by the way, it’s not doctors who made the paperwork laws, and no doctor lets any patient die for lack of paperwork): how do you think this affects our now-maskless society?

Fortunately the pandemic has exposed how “disciplined and civil “ our society is, and what the doctors do.

300 doctors have died during this pandemic, serving India, completely ignored, but the news channels are hooked on to the news about film industry: that’s sensational! “Negative” attention burns souls: like ours when we doctors watch films with our children and the heroes beat up and treat doctors as they typically do: humiliating!© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Entertainment at the cost of someone else’s pain and suffering hurts, do you agree now? If a few stars have cocaine, it is unfair to blame all. If a few rag others it is unfair to blame all. If a few doctors are corrupt, it is very unfair to defame all. Rarely do we see an Indian film about good doctors- honourably mentioning the good Indian doctors portrayed by few like Mr. Amitabh Bachchan or Mr. Pankaj Kapoor.

Add to this the uncalled-for and hurtful fun made of certain communities like Parsis (most valuable contributors to Indian Honour), patients with epilepsy/ disabilities, even those who have stammering or squint etc… who are already being shamed by our retro minded society. When will we cross the need to hurt/ shame someone disabled as a form of entertainment?

What goes around in films comes around in reality.

Let us respect each other. Like everyone else, doctors too enjoy watching good Indian films as stress busters, we are also your fans, but it really hurts when doctors are unnecessarily defamed/ shown in poor light in films.

I must mention, many of our critical patients watch your movies and songs on TV screens in ICU, and forget the pain, even imminent death because of your performance and talent. I have seen patients laugh on their deathbeds, thanks to some performers, actors and singers. We are indebted to you in that sense. One of my stroke patients who couldn’t speak suddenly started singing along with his favourite hero Mr. Dev Anand on screen (Khoya khoya chaand..khula aasmaan..), a phenomenon well known in Neurology. I really didn’t mind it when the relatives said he had recovered because of Dev sahab and that song!

Dear Indian Film Industry, We love you, (actually some doctors imitate you, dress up like you, and even flaunt their biceps to their colleagues). We adore your talent, but please recognise ours too, and stop defamation of medical professionals in films. Please don’t sacrifice medicine’s dignity to prove the hero’s greatness. Indian female doctors in reality are far beyond only good looks, almost none corrupt. India has given some of the best doctors to the world. We appeal to your sense of decency to consider this in future before bashing medical professionals in films. We can definitely accommodate healthy jokes and humour about ourselves, but spare us the perpetual role of real life looters.

Wishing you a quick and healthy recovery and waiting for our most handsome, beautiful and talented actors to come back with wholesome entertainment as soon as possible. Also exceptional gratitude to Mr. Shahrukh Khan for his huge donations of life saving PPE kits for doctors, and Mr. Sonu Sood for everything he has been doing for our society.

Coming soon in the nearest theatre to see all of you once more.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

#filmindustry #producersguild

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One Way Relationship: I Quit.


© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Let’s face it. India is not a country where politeness, manners and etiquette is considered essential or important. In fact if you have these qualities, you are looked upon as weak. The more you accept it, the more crap is piled up upon your cell and mind. Politely saying “don’t message, don’t disturb” never works, and routine cases become emergency because no one is available when people have holidays. So a relative’s health may be completely ignored all week when everyone in the family is busy, and the doctors are then screwed on weekends, with expectations of compassion and sympathy, and with two chocolates “Will pay fees”, and “You are so kind”.

If there’s an emergency, visit the nearest doctor, take the patient to the hospital and admit. Don’t look for an excuse and escape to save time and money by exploiting a doctor who has entrusted you with his / her private number in good faith. They are far busier on holidays than on the working days.

Yes, a doctor is busiest on his holiday, having to attend to umpteen chores at home that are left undone during the weekdays. The weekend stress is extremely high. Family members expect some quality time and interaction too. Even simpler Personal tasks like a haircut, Cleaning home, vehicle, shopping for essentials and completing paperwork, banking, financial supervision etc. completely consumes the weekend of every working doctor. All this has now multiplied due to the pandemic, extra tasks have been added with higher risks. Add planning for upcoming meetings, catching up with academics, and incessant calls of those who think that the doctor will be “at leisure” on a holiday to attend to anything that pops up in their mind.

The irritation of not getting a holiday even on a holiday is unbearable. Be it family or friends, very few truly respect the necessity of some peace of mind for their doctors. Just because they get the doctor’s phone number, people feel it is an open access to their private time. I have even met VIP patients who requested my private number and then told me that their secretary will call me as they cannot disclose their personal numbers. Now I regret having given out my personal number to certain friends who incessantly send reports and ask consultation almost every weekend.

I quit this one way relationship. I may lose some friends and some patients, but it is worth the peace of mind I need to serve my deserving patients well.

Sincerely requesting my patients, friends and family members to NOT message/ call / email me on personal numbers or on social media, on Saturday and Sunday🙏🏻.
No exceptions.

Wishing everyone best health and a great life.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Indian Healthcare On A Ventilator and The Mask Matrix

Indian Healthcare On A Ventilator
and
The Mask Matrix

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Thousands of Indians, both rich and poor, are helping out each other during this pandemic. Many employers, from large companies to even lower middle class, are paying their employees for months now, without any income. While I am very proud of this humanity among the masses, there are some serious questions in my heart. Our lives cannot be just a matrix of dependence, help, sympathy and compassion as a society. That is still exploitation and abuse, although sometimes wilful on both sides.

Only 2-3 percent Indians pay income tax, and 60 percent of total income tax comes from only 4 percent of all taxpayers. That means, 95 percent of population DOES NOT pay tax, and the ones who do pay taxes are not only compensating for the poor, but also for the defaulters, many of whom may be escaping law. With the pandemic costing the national reserves far beyond repair, it does not take great intellect to anticipate heavier taxations, tighter finances for about a decade to come, and all that burden will af course be borne by the 3 percent taxpayers. Unless you know you are special. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

With one of the heaviest taxation, why should the nation still have to depend upon someone other than the governments / system to arrange for basics of life free of cost? People are dependent today on other compassionate people and NGOs, social groups for food, healthcare and other basics which the government should be providing them. More disturbing is the fact that when they don’t get these basic life facilities, the blame automatically shifts on those who have hard earned their affluence with education, hard work and talent: be it film stars, doctors, software companies, private hospitals or anyone who has some money: you are projected to be cold blooded and cruel rich who must either automatically shoulder the responsibility of millions of poor, helpless and unguided people, non tax-payers and everyone left out by the government, or you must face an audacious media, social trial for trying to appease the majority by criminalising your authentic, legal earnings.

Why has “HELP” become so crucial for our society today? When there are floods or accidents like the recent airplane crash, we take pride in sharing news of preventable sacrifices and write poetry about those who died because of an extremely poor infrastructure and maintainence. We glorify poor people who jump in to help, hiding important questions. Be it soldiers, pilots or doctors that we are losing every day, we miserably, idiotically dodge the basic human rights question: was it possible to prevent it? Was something wrong about the flood management, was something wrong with the airplane, was something missing in the healthcare that was earlier brought to the notice of the concerned but was ignored? © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Instead, we choose to use the common masks to hide truth: patriotism, sympathy, compassion, donation, etc. Why could not so many richer politicians and ministers in India do for the migrant poor what some film stars graciously did? I will join the chorus in applauding those film stars, but the haunting question remains: why was the life of so many people dependant upon the compassion of a few film stars and NGOs? Why do NGOs and many others have to arrange donations to get sanitisers, masks etc. even for the police and the doctors?

News of goons fighting hospitals for inflated bills (in some cases indeed the bills are inflated), are exciting for the junta. One link is usually missing in such news: logic. Why doesn’t any of the self proclaimed, overaggressive, megalomaniac TV anchors or leaders enter any government hospital and ask questions directly to the responsible, like why there was no healthcare development in many decades there, why staff was always inadequate, why in the first place people should have to visit a private hospital which has a different financial ballgame and of course private investment. These TV anchors who speak as if they own the country and its population, act like they are above judiciary and replace reason with loud voice, are earning millions every month, why don’t they make a hospital for the poor in every town? In fact, it should be compulsory for every TV channel reporting medical news to donate all the earnings from ads during that news towards the treatment of poor patients. Every political leader should also take the responsibility of insuring health and life of every person in his / her constituency as a priority over bridges and flyovers, gardens and statues.

While everyone is making financial hey during the pandemic, doctors are made to pay in excess for all the masks, sanitisers and every other thing added to the routine by the pandemic, without any compensation. How can the private hospital escape these excess expenses? If at all the bills need to come down, let the government declare everything free: masks, sanitisers, remdesivir or tocilizumab, even the ventilators and electricity. At least strike off all taxes on these. While even the state governments are openly expressing inability to carry on without funds from central govt, how do you expect private entities like hospitals to run without charging patients? Even the hospitals should grow up now and give the patient three separate bills: one for hospital infrastructure and usables, second for doctors fees, and third for all the money that government has added to the bill: viz. taxes. If there is a request from any political strongman for reduction of bills, let the govt waive off the huge taxes part. Doctors fees are less than ten percent in all the bills, and they are the worst defamed ion all these news in spite of working so hard. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

I feel very bad about the pilot who died while saving others, and naturally think if the airplane was indeed maintained well. I feel very bad also about the 175 + doctors who have died treating corona patients and think if they were adequately provided protection and isolation, treatment and compensation. Every day we are losing a precious healthcare asset and resource in the form of dead doctors.

We can of course shout slogans and bring in the topic of army again, crying aloud that if they can die, everyone must. The ridiculous part is that it is not the army men who usually say that, it is those who sit at home with some gadget, free internet access and a lot of time to write about everyone else, especially against the very taxpayer who pays for their internet and other facilities.

Only those who have paid their taxes should be allowed to opine politely about other professionals, and only after mentioning their own contribution to the country. Anyone who quotes the army as an example for others should be recruited in the army as per their caliber, and made to work free for three years, to help our brave soldiers.

Lastly, any sale of liquor, tobacco or any issue of driving license should be denied unless the person shows his / her own health insurance papers.

We should remove all these dangerous masks of sweet words we all love: compassion, sympathy, patriotism, bravery etc. used to hide the truth: we are financially most disorganised, almost bankrupt, and hiding behind these masks instead of being true patriots and facing the problem, while exploiting not only the taxpayer but also the never-acknowledged pride of our nation: Doctors.

Otherwise our dear country will always remain an exploitation hub, where few keep toiling and paying for many who do not work, and people sitting in tall places and high offices who earn too much while redistributing our national wealth. It doesn’t take a doctor always to tell this: our healthcare is on a ventilator.

Jai Hind!
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

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Doctor 2025: What Happened After The Pandemic?

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

The whole family was happily relishing desserts after a sumptuous dinner, when Mr. Shah suddenly went blank. His eyes rolled up, and he started having violent movements of his body. His daughter Amira shouted “Mom, call the emergency ambulance number” and tried to comfort her father who was now in a full blown convulsion, blood oozing from a corner of his mouth with froth.
The ambulance came with paramedics. Its driver handed Mrs. Shah a cellphone: “Please enter his Aadhar card and Insurance policy number, we will take care of everything” he said.

They collected a drop of blood, which would give all the necessary information about the patient. A video scanned the patient and recorded history and legal statements of the family members.
The sugar level was high.

“Was he given sweets? asked the paramedic.
“Yes” said Mrs. Shah.
“Did you take permission from the government? He is a diabetic, sweets are illegal” the paramedic said.
Amira pulled out a big pink note from her purse.
“Listen, please delete that video. Please take another clip, Mom doesn’t know, I will speak” she said. The attendant agreed. His salary had been halved since the pandemic.

They reached the nearest hospital in few minutes. The nurses hooked the patient with various tubes and told the relatives to wait in a counselling room. The patient appeared stable now. “This is really cool. India has made such great progress” Amira said to her sweating mother.

After a few minutes a Doctor on the TV screen greeted them, and explained them that Mr. Shah had developed bleeding in his brain. Interrupting the doctor, Mrs. Shah, sobbing, asked if her husband will be out of danger. Amira too, very anxious, asked many questions. The doctor replied very pleasantly “Just after this video call, you will see a video of all the likely things that can go wrong in your patient’s case. You will also be provided interactive links like a telephone menu, to ask any questions you want, the answers are scientifically standard. All treatment and billing is standardised”.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

In a fit of anger, Amira loudly asked “But doctor, we want to see you and speak with you. When will you visit the patient?”.

Smiling, the doctor replied “Oh! Sorry, but we abolished that practice long ago. We don’t directly meet thee relatives now. For every patient, we give you the diagnosis and condition, all the information is made available on the internet, you can read for yourself.”

Mrs. Shah took out the Bramhastra “But we are paying your fees. You must answer and explain to us. You must be available for the patient all the time”.

The Doctor’s smile now became distant and curt.

“No madam. The law requires that I see the patient every day and treat him / her well, which I will continue. The insurance company and the hospital to whom you pay require me to visit the patient only once in 24 hours, which I will do. I am supposed to inform you, which I just did. You are paying the hospital and the insurance company for my services, from which they both cut some amount and pay me, you are not buying my time or me. You are free to request to change the doctor, or for a second opinion at an extra cost. The government has now made it mandatory to treat the patient at the hospital that they will decide, unless you are a special category. There is nothing like personal care now, everything is standardised by the ministry. We have a PRO who can assist you with searching all the information you need”.

Amira, wiser to the world, asked directly, in a cautious, lower pitch “Doc, what can we do to get your direct services? We can pay anything you want. We want you to personally see my father, make all the treatment decisions, and we also want to speak with you daily, in person. Do you have a private hospital? Please, I beg of you, have some compassion”.

The Doctor paused with a sad face, then said in a more personal tone “ I am sorry mam, all private healthcare has been abolished in India. . Many relatives attacked and injured doctors, most spoke in an abusive, rude manner, many wasted our precious time with illogical, repetitive and absurd questions. So the unnecessary was eliminated . During the pandemic of 2020, doctors were abused by our society so badly, that many died, many left either the profession or the country. Now the number of doctors is very low, We have a wild, abusive society that swings between begging for compassion and free treatment to violently attacking doctors. So all hospitals are now controlled by the government, and all doctors just follow the treatment recommendations set by the government. Even the brands and quality of medicines, stents, instruments for each patient are decided by the government, according to that patient’s category”

Mr. Shah’s condition was worsening day by day. Once every day, Amira received updates about her father via a lengthy SMS, with advertisements of big business houses, who had access to every data in the country. Nothing was private anymore.

Amira asked the PRO one day “What happens to the poor patients who don’t have money?”

The PRO smiled in disdain. “There are special insurance schemes and different stadium-hospitals for them. They have the same system, but low cost everything, including medical staff. Those who cannot afford even basic insurance are sent a CD of patriotic songs and motivating sermons. After the pandemic, this has emerged as the most cost effective way of healthcare.”

“What if I want to take my father outside India for treatment?” asked Amira, now fed up with all the robotic answers. All human touch in medicine was lost.

The PRO looked at her in awe. “Are you in Politics? Are you super-rich like celebrities? Because taking someone out of India for medical treatment is reserved only for them, or those who have special links”.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Every morning, Amira and her mother went to a temple and prayed. One day, Amira asked the doctor: “Doctor, what if this was your father. Would you do the same?”

The doctor replied “Mam, My father died because I was posted in the pandemic ward. He was a high risk case but I did not get exemption. I think I am already doing far more for your father than I did for mine”.

On the fifth day, Mr Shah woke up. In a week’s time, he was scheduled for a discharge. Arguing about the hospital bills or complaining about the treatment with the insurance company or the government was now considered anti-national, so she carefully remained silent and paid all the bills, right from that for the first drop of blood collected at home and the ambulance. The pandemic tax and GST almost doubled every bill. Everything was authentic and standardised.

On the day of his discharge, a political leader came over, and a picture was taken with Mr. Shah. “Recovered due to the untiring efforts of the party and the government” said the newspaper the next morning.

On the way home, Mr. Shah told Amira “That doctor was fantastic. When will we see him again?”

Amira replied “I don’t know. The government will assign a doctor for you to follow up now”.

Mrs. Shah looking far away, said “At the temple every morning, I prayed for two things: for your health and for return of the good old days of personal relations with our doctors”.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

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Much of this is happening right now. This is the foreseeable unavoidable future.

A Fountain Of Youth


© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

From college days, a single habit, which I am probably most obsessive about, has saved me from a lot of trouble while facing so many difficult bad phases. Above exercise, I have loved my meditation.

It is indeed emotionally fatiguing to listen to same and new health complaints practically every day of your life, year after year. Add consoling crying and angry, panicked patients and their relatives, frustrated with themselves, with life, and also sometimes with the doctor. Who other than doctors can know the helplessness while receiving and delivering a bad news? To bear all this one needs immense emotional strength, patience and mental stability. Almost every doctor tries to help and soothe the patient. But the more sensitive, deeply thinking doctors bear the brunt of this emotional overload differently: it affects them negatively.

A common advice given to most such “sensitive and emotional” doctors is ‘detach yourself’, do not involve your feelings much, try and just do what is scientifically, professionally correct. How is it possible to squeeze out the pain that reaches your blood? To learn to be able to deal with this, I needed a major effort, and after a lot of suffering and speaking with some evolved medical and spiritual souls, I could devise a mental platform to deal with this. To be able to clean the slate before the next patient walks in is an art that needs dense practice. A doctor who can ignore and detach from pain and its expression cannot be a good doctor, although I understand that not everyone will agree with this. To their credit, I have also seen many dry, non-conversant and short tempered doctors who actually are far more receptive to their patient’s pain.

Vienna has excellently preserved the home of the great Sigmund Freud. His furniture, papers, books, fossil art and even clothes are maintained well. Freud sat for long hours on his high backed chair, looking at the dense greens outside his window, while fathoming the complicated, layered depths of human minds. In his office, there is a glass cabinet displaying his hand written application for financial support towards higher education, requesting grants. If that genius had to seek financial support by applying to far less intellectuals in his time, where do mere mortals like me stand? There were many times when my finances were in doldrums. Most of the hands that help usually usurp far more than their help in future, so I had to also make a long bucket list of what I did not want. However, my fate was as stubborn as myself, and it gave me enough with its blessed hands always.

It is not possible to be a good doctor if one harbours negativity, sadness, anger, depression and especially regrets within oneself. That’s where meditation saved me for years. If I want to think deep at length about something, I visit my rendezvous where I get a secluded corner and unlimited black coffee. As for this daily meditation though, not much is required. I just sit in a quiet place, switch off all gadgets and lock myself away from human reach. Then I just tell myself: I am completely forgiving everyone who hurt me, misbehaved or cheated me, without any conditions. I will not carry any negatives about them in my heart. In fact I do not want their apologies and I don’t care whether they regret what they did or nor, whether they change or not. Even today, I will meet many who will take advantage, speak arrogantly, misbehave or try to show me down, but I will have already forgiven them, ensuring to protect myself and my work. I will not lose my temper today. I will take excess precautions not to hurt anyone with my word or deed. If I do commit a mistake, I will apologise immediately. What people do is not my problem. How I react is indeed my responsibility. So when I finish my day, I come back with no anger, irritability, frustration or chaos in my mind. Things that are most important for me: my patient’s health, my student’s skills and my writing- I will protect them from any disturbances that may dilute their perfection. I want to satisfy my ego in the greatness and success of my work, the intensity and beauty of everything that I do, not by showing anyone else down. I will return today with a clean and fresh mind.

This simple reminder every morning helps me defeat any diversions from internal peace while working in the highly tense hospital atmosphere. This simple meditation takes me only five minutes, and usually my Alta Rica Black makes my meditation deliciously bittersweet. My accompanying picture is during one such meditation, but as censor boards would object, I have filtered the image.

To be able to forgive the whole world is probably the best thing I ever learnt! It is extremely tough and taxing to forgive the near and dear ones who usually top the list of those who hurt you, but it is equally rewarding too. Please do try it, it will make you at least ten years younger.. and if you can master the art of forgiving yourself for all your mistakes too, then probably you will enter the fountain of youth.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

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The Suicide In Our Brain


© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

My mom once badly thrashed me up for jumping into a river for swimming (and for many other things I cannot mention here). The sadness of not getting my dream PG seat of surgery nearly killed me. A very brilliant, extremely mischievous and beautiful girlfriend of mine had to marry someone else. Years later, I went through a divorce. During each of these phases, thoughts of suicide crossed my mind like every normal person, several times. During all exams, thoughts of suicide, poetry and a rebellious dropout haunt many. After every suicide, disturbing thoughts of ‘exactly what, how and when’ haunt any sensitive mind.

During my student days, I spent an hour daily in a small space behind our boys hostel to use the double bar, the only facility for exercise. One senior, Sunil, was also a regular visitor, and we became friends. He was repeating a term. He was always smiling, calm and an introvert. Many students made sarcastic fun about his being aloof. Somehow he was nice to me, we usually spoke about stamina building.
One morning I woke up to the shocking news of his suicide. He had hung himself in his hostel room. I had met him only two days prior, and he was as smiling and quiet as ever, had exercised well, spoken in a normal tone, and while leaving had said his customary words of parting “chal bhetu parat” (okay, we’ll meet again)”.

Many theories came forward, and a professor who was always rude to many including Sunil was gossiped a lot about. It was also revealed that Sunil was under treatment for depression since a few years. Some said he was frustrated with his failure and poverty. For a good few months, I did not dare go to that double bar again. I wondered about his parents. How could he have done this? I asked one Dr. Madhu, a psychiatrist who often visited our college from UK. He replied “Well, there is no point in presumptions and allegations. How can one not think about near and dear ones, especially while doing something so drastic with themselves? Suicide is way beyond the grasp of a normal mindset. We must never forget that although immediate causes may act like triggers, usually suicidal thoughts build up over a long period”.
I started reading more about it.

Since then I know of many medicos (and others) who committed suicide for various reasons: failures, stress and negativity, depression, disturbed relationships, blackmail, boredom, harassment etc. I’ve also managed many suicide-attempt cases like burns, hanging, poisoning, drowning or self inflicted wounds. I have followed up with some of these patients for medical issues. It is indeed difficult to deal with some of those cases. To add to the problem, some (not all) anti depressants and other medicines may worsen suicidal tendencies or cause them in a patient who did not have them earlier.

The mental suffering of a genius is beyond the realms of a normal and mediocre mindset. The more extraordinary your mind is, the more it suffers, and only a better brain is able to understand that suffering. One who can feel for others suffers most. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

Two other common triggers for suicide- failure and loss- are more manageable. We are so engrossed in marrying our dreams with the rude reality around us, that we create a perpetual high-friction, tense atmosphere in our own mind. Instead, we must learn to unchain our dreams and expectations from the current reality. One can always attempt to change the situation around, but that needs a healthy mind. Unfortunately we do not have gyms made for the mind.

Human brain compels to repeat. We can develop an addiction for anything: negative or positive. The thoughts of futility, ‘having no other options’ can also make home in one’s mind. To be able to catch and prevent this can help some, but not all. Suicidal thought or intention is NOT a mental weakness. No one is any braver for not killing oneself. Suicidal thinking is a state of mind not in control of the owner of that mind, and can be reversed if the right steps (seeing a psychologist) are taken in time. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

The importance we all give to complete acceptance and best success is cruel. Parents today want to grow up only gold-medal champions, who can then never be graceful in their failures, or satisfied with being the second best. Lesser success is no success today. No one achieves all that they want. To be able to accept failure must be taught from school. A different, failure-accepting attitude by parents and society during development of a child’s mindset is desperately required. Tying failure to the feeling of being inadequate and worthless is a common crime we all commit.

That brings us to the last thought of this article: we must learn to never let the behaviour of others affect our joys. The wise will get this immediately: one deliberate hurt is too many, never allow another. Exit the situation, it is not called running away, it is protecting yourself. A Mahatma Gandhi cannot feel comfortable amongst a gang of mafias. That said, if all suicides are investigated well, many others in future can be prevented: white collared and financial criminals, trust-breakers who instigate others for suicide are quite common in our society.

Sometimes it is an internal phenomenon to have suicidal thoughts, some other times a sudden emotional shock or breakdown can provoke such an action. We must take every mention of a suicide seriously, even if the person is smiling or casual while saying it. A change in behavior pattern of a beloved introvert can also be an alarm, one must spend more time with them without being intrusive. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

Glamorisation of suicide is an open abuse perpetrated upon our social conscience, worst in India, and should be declared criminal, as this may fatally affect some potential young minds. The mindless repetition of suicidal news has a devastating effect on many stressed minds, and who is not stressed today?

Medicine is a difficult career: long, hard and emotionally fatiguing, with late rewards (rarely financial), and legendarily thankless. Many doctor work on the verge of thoughts about quitting. The concept for vacation, rest or good sleep is not allowed to most doctors. This drives some across the edge. The only way to stop this is that each and every doctor looks after their own stress levels, that they take adequate rest and sleep, find leisure and entertainment, every few days. Socio-federal expectations never end, while our life withers away.

A change in career is a good idea, if you feel frustrated for long. One can always excel in a PG branch once not wanted, one can reappear and pass exams, one will meet better people. Most importantly for medicos, education is not a forever state, and after passing, medicine enables us to practice anywhere we like. Let us not make drastic decisions affected by transient scenarios like bad seniors, frustrating workloads or those recurring breakup’s! © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

If given a chance again, I will choose nothing but to be the Neurologist that I am today. The memories of that thrashing by mom strengthen my resolve to stand up to the unpleasant and stern parenting duties so crucial for the safety of my own children. That divorce liberated me (and her) from many more years of painful discomfort. Life, even without anything that I possess now, is still beautiful. Still, every single thing that I possess today is a dream for many, and adds to the inherent beauty of my life. That deeply roots my faith in the wisdom “Whatever happens is for good“. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

There are many glaring examples of those who turned tables to win over fate, overcame failures, deception, breakups, crises- financial and emotional, defamation, bullying and humiliation. Almost all of them have dealt with suicidal thoughts, some sought right help, and now are living proofs that this is possible only if one lives on.

I feel like whispering to every silently suffering soul out there: Dream, fight, chill, win or lose, but never give anyone the right to take away your charm. That little muscle-machine ticking in your chest right now, the insane neurochemical chatter of your neurons which makes you say ‘I think’, are miracles specifically made for you. That little hand you hold, someone’s moist eyes upon seeing you, and the enormous capacity of your coconut to imagine a beautiful future – are all precious blessings. Let’s not belittle them by asking for something more just to smile once again.
Smile NOW for what you are, smile NOW for what you have!

About that b. em.& b.. girlfriend… well I fondly miss her still, but every time I think of her, I cannot help smiling!

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande