Category Archives: Meditation

A Fountain Of Youth


© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

From college days, a single habit, which I am probably most obsessive about, has saved me from a lot of trouble while facing so many difficult bad phases. Above exercise, I have loved my meditation.

It is indeed emotionally fatiguing to listen to same and new health complaints practically every day of your life, year after year. Add consoling crying and angry, panicked patients and their relatives, frustrated with themselves, with life, and also sometimes with the doctor. Who other than doctors can know the helplessness while receiving and delivering a bad news? To bear all this one needs immense emotional strength, patience and mental stability. Almost every doctor tries to help and soothe the patient. But the more sensitive, deeply thinking doctors bear the brunt of this emotional overload differently: it affects them negatively.

A common advice given to most such “sensitive and emotional” doctors is ‘detach yourself’, do not involve your feelings much, try and just do what is scientifically, professionally correct. How is it possible to squeeze out the pain that reaches your blood? To learn to be able to deal with this, I needed a major effort, and after a lot of suffering and speaking with some evolved medical and spiritual souls, I could devise a mental platform to deal with this. To be able to clean the slate before the next patient walks in is an art that needs dense practice. A doctor who can ignore and detach from pain and its expression cannot be a good doctor, although I understand that not everyone will agree with this. To their credit, I have also seen many dry, non-conversant and short tempered doctors who actually are far more receptive to their patient’s pain.

Vienna has excellently preserved the home of the great Sigmund Freud. His furniture, papers, books, fossil art and even clothes are maintained well. Freud sat for long hours on his high backed chair, looking at the dense greens outside his window, while fathoming the complicated, layered depths of human minds. In his office, there is a glass cabinet displaying his hand written application for financial support towards higher education, requesting grants. If that genius had to seek financial support by applying to far less intellectuals in his time, where do mere mortals like me stand? There were many times when my finances were in doldrums. Most of the hands that help usually usurp far more than their help in future, so I had to also make a long bucket list of what I did not want. However, my fate was as stubborn as myself, and it gave me enough with its blessed hands always.

It is not possible to be a good doctor if one harbours negativity, sadness, anger, depression and especially regrets within oneself. That’s where meditation saved me for years. If I want to think deep at length about something, I visit my rendezvous where I get a secluded corner and unlimited black coffee. As for this daily meditation though, not much is required. I just sit in a quiet place, switch off all gadgets and lock myself away from human reach. Then I just tell myself: I am completely forgiving everyone who hurt me, misbehaved or cheated me, without any conditions. I will not carry any negatives about them in my heart. In fact I do not want their apologies and I don’t care whether they regret what they did or nor, whether they change or not. Even today, I will meet many who will take advantage, speak arrogantly, misbehave or try to show me down, but I will have already forgiven them, ensuring to protect myself and my work. I will not lose my temper today. I will take excess precautions not to hurt anyone with my word or deed. If I do commit a mistake, I will apologise immediately. What people do is not my problem. How I react is indeed my responsibility. So when I finish my day, I come back with no anger, irritability, frustration or chaos in my mind. Things that are most important for me: my patient’s health, my student’s skills and my writing- I will protect them from any disturbances that may dilute their perfection. I want to satisfy my ego in the greatness and success of my work, the intensity and beauty of everything that I do, not by showing anyone else down. I will return today with a clean and fresh mind.

This simple reminder every morning helps me defeat any diversions from internal peace while working in the highly tense hospital atmosphere. This simple meditation takes me only five minutes, and usually my Alta Rica Black makes my meditation deliciously bittersweet. My accompanying picture is during one such meditation, but as censor boards would object, I have filtered the image.

To be able to forgive the whole world is probably the best thing I ever learnt! It is extremely tough and taxing to forgive the near and dear ones who usually top the list of those who hurt you, but it is equally rewarding too. Please do try it, it will make you at least ten years younger.. and if you can master the art of forgiving yourself for all your mistakes too, then probably you will enter the fountain of youth.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

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The Suicide In Our Brain


© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

My mom once badly thrashed me up for jumping into a river for swimming (and for many other things I cannot mention here). The sadness of not getting my dream PG seat of surgery nearly killed me. A very brilliant, extremely mischievous and beautiful girlfriend of mine had to marry someone else. Years later, I went through a divorce. During each of these phases, thoughts of suicide crossed my mind like every normal person, several times. During all exams, thoughts of suicide, poetry and a rebellious dropout haunt many. After every suicide, disturbing thoughts of ‘exactly what, how and when’ haunt any sensitive mind.

During my student days, I spent an hour daily in a small space behind our boys hostel to use the double bar, the only facility for exercise. One senior, Sunil, was also a regular visitor, and we became friends. He was repeating a term. He was always smiling, calm and an introvert. Many students made sarcastic fun about his being aloof. Somehow he was nice to me, we usually spoke about stamina building.
One morning I woke up to the shocking news of his suicide. He had hung himself in his hostel room. I had met him only two days prior, and he was as smiling and quiet as ever, had exercised well, spoken in a normal tone, and while leaving had said his customary words of parting “chal bhetu parat” (okay, we’ll meet again)”.

Many theories came forward, and a professor who was always rude to many including Sunil was gossiped a lot about. It was also revealed that Sunil was under treatment for depression since a few years. Some said he was frustrated with his failure and poverty. For a good few months, I did not dare go to that double bar again. I wondered about his parents. How could he have done this? I asked one Dr. Madhu, a psychiatrist who often visited our college from UK. He replied “Well, there is no point in presumptions and allegations. How can one not think about near and dear ones, especially while doing something so drastic with themselves? Suicide is way beyond the grasp of a normal mindset. We must never forget that although immediate causes may act like triggers, usually suicidal thoughts build up over a long period”.
I started reading more about it.

Since then I know of many medicos (and others) who committed suicide for various reasons: failures, stress and negativity, depression, disturbed relationships, blackmail, boredom, harassment etc. I’ve also managed many suicide-attempt cases like burns, hanging, poisoning, drowning or self inflicted wounds. I have followed up with some of these patients for medical issues. It is indeed difficult to deal with some of those cases. To add to the problem, some (not all) anti depressants and other medicines may worsen suicidal tendencies or cause them in a patient who did not have them earlier.

The mental suffering of a genius is beyond the realms of a normal and mediocre mindset. The more extraordinary your mind is, the more it suffers, and only a better brain is able to understand that suffering. One who can feel for others suffers most. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

Two other common triggers for suicide- failure and loss- are more manageable. We are so engrossed in marrying our dreams with the rude reality around us, that we create a perpetual high-friction, tense atmosphere in our own mind. Instead, we must learn to unchain our dreams and expectations from the current reality. One can always attempt to change the situation around, but that needs a healthy mind. Unfortunately we do not have gyms made for the mind.

Human brain compels to repeat. We can develop an addiction for anything: negative or positive. The thoughts of futility, ‘having no other options’ can also make home in one’s mind. To be able to catch and prevent this can help some, but not all. Suicidal thought or intention is NOT a mental weakness. No one is any braver for not killing oneself. Suicidal thinking is a state of mind not in control of the owner of that mind, and can be reversed if the right steps (seeing a psychologist) are taken in time. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

The importance we all give to complete acceptance and best success is cruel. Parents today want to grow up only gold-medal champions, who can then never be graceful in their failures, or satisfied with being the second best. Lesser success is no success today. No one achieves all that they want. To be able to accept failure must be taught from school. A different, failure-accepting attitude by parents and society during development of a child’s mindset is desperately required. Tying failure to the feeling of being inadequate and worthless is a common crime we all commit.

That brings us to the last thought of this article: we must learn to never let the behaviour of others affect our joys. The wise will get this immediately: one deliberate hurt is too many, never allow another. Exit the situation, it is not called running away, it is protecting yourself. A Mahatma Gandhi cannot feel comfortable amongst a gang of mafias. That said, if all suicides are investigated well, many others in future can be prevented: white collared and financial criminals, trust-breakers who instigate others for suicide are quite common in our society.

Sometimes it is an internal phenomenon to have suicidal thoughts, some other times a sudden emotional shock or breakdown can provoke such an action. We must take every mention of a suicide seriously, even if the person is smiling or casual while saying it. A change in behavior pattern of a beloved introvert can also be an alarm, one must spend more time with them without being intrusive. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

Glamorisation of suicide is an open abuse perpetrated upon our social conscience, worst in India, and should be declared criminal, as this may fatally affect some potential young minds. The mindless repetition of suicidal news has a devastating effect on many stressed minds, and who is not stressed today?

Medicine is a difficult career: long, hard and emotionally fatiguing, with late rewards (rarely financial), and legendarily thankless. Many doctor work on the verge of thoughts about quitting. The concept for vacation, rest or good sleep is not allowed to most doctors. This drives some across the edge. The only way to stop this is that each and every doctor looks after their own stress levels, that they take adequate rest and sleep, find leisure and entertainment, every few days. Socio-federal expectations never end, while our life withers away.

A change in career is a good idea, if you feel frustrated for long. One can always excel in a PG branch once not wanted, one can reappear and pass exams, one will meet better people. Most importantly for medicos, education is not a forever state, and after passing, medicine enables us to practice anywhere we like. Let us not make drastic decisions affected by transient scenarios like bad seniors, frustrating workloads or those recurring breakup’s! © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

If given a chance again, I will choose nothing but to be the Neurologist that I am today. The memories of that thrashing by mom strengthen my resolve to stand up to the unpleasant and stern parenting duties so crucial for the safety of my own children. That divorce liberated me (and her) from many more years of painful discomfort. Life, even without anything that I possess now, is still beautiful. Still, every single thing that I possess today is a dream for many, and adds to the inherent beauty of my life. That deeply roots my faith in the wisdom “Whatever happens is for good“. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

There are many glaring examples of those who turned tables to win over fate, overcame failures, deception, breakups, crises- financial and emotional, defamation, bullying and humiliation. Almost all of them have dealt with suicidal thoughts, some sought right help, and now are living proofs that this is possible only if one lives on.

I feel like whispering to every silently suffering soul out there: Dream, fight, chill, win or lose, but never give anyone the right to take away your charm. That little muscle-machine ticking in your chest right now, the insane neurochemical chatter of your neurons which makes you say ‘I think’, are miracles specifically made for you. That little hand you hold, someone’s moist eyes upon seeing you, and the enormous capacity of your coconut to imagine a beautiful future – are all precious blessings. Let’s not belittle them by asking for something more just to smile once again.
Smile NOW for what you are, smile NOW for what you have!

About that b. em.& b.. girlfriend… well I fondly miss her still, but every time I think of her, I cannot help smiling!

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande


© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
“Sir, we are screwed. The Chief Minister and other ministers have closed all doors, they won’t respond. Our careers are in grave danger. Can you please help us?” I frantically spoke.
From the other end of the phone, the Don, Dr. Nitu Mandke answered: “See me at my home at 12 midnight”.
The Maharashtra state resident doctor’s agitation for dignity, national pay parity and better living conditions was on, and I was given the responsibility of coordinating and being the face. We had successfully established a multilevel network.
When students go on a strike anywhere in any field, it is almost always out of desperation, either for dignity or for rebellion against some sort of suppression by the system. Students never rebel for money or power. This raw student power is almost as mighty as the army, and although it falls prey to political misuse sometimes, it has tremendous capacity towards achieving intellectual evolution of the society. The government always treats any unrest as an offence to its ego, and uses everything at its disposal: CID, Police, Administration, Force, Threats, Caste Politics, Cheating and Legal torture to mow down student agitations. Students have no money, no experience and rare political or social backing, and must unite and stand up for themselves. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

On the fourth day of the strike, a big politico from the ruling alliance came over to our office at Mumbai KEM. There was no telling between him and a mafia goon. The members of student’s central committee: Dr. Sanjay Singh, Dr. Dinesh Kabra, Dr. Narender Sheshadri, Dr. Pramod Giri, Dr. Nilesh Nikam, Dr. Kuldeep, Dr. Vishal Sawant, Dr. Noor, Dr. Shahid, and few others were with me. The politico did not have any scruples using an arrogant, raw and filthy language to threaten that if we do not stop and withdraw the strike, our careers and even life will be in danger. As he was from the ruling party and threatened us in presence of the police, there was nothing we could say.
There are angels everywhere. A senior police officer who was supposed to “keep a constant watch” upon us ‘student leaders’ was quite fatherly. He told us “Do what you must, but don’t declare. Dumb people cannot interpret silence. Stay away from any violence”. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande
Unknown calls kept threats alive. That is when a resident doctor suggested we meet the Don: Dr. Nitu Mandke, the famous heart surgeon who was known to be a fearless, straightforward celebrity doctor.

We went to his home, and waited, hosted by his extremely courteous family. He returned home past midnight. We briefed him the details. He asked a few questions to assess our determination and strength. He asked us to stay united and avoid any misbehaviour during the agitation. To our surprise, he picked up the cellphone and called the Chief Minister’s PA. The CM was fortunately available, and talked to Dr. Mandke. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

After the call, Dr. Mandke told us: “CM has advised us to meet the Deputy CM tomorrow. Two of you come to Lilavati Hospital tomorrow at 2 PM. I will take you to the DyCM.”.
At Lilavati hospital, Dr. Mandke’s chamber was intimidatingly clean and posh, yet simple. He checked our applications for the CM and corrected them with his beautiful pen. His briefcase had every essential of writing stationary, the mark of a perfect man.

As we waited, I asked him cautiously: “Sir, shall we start?” He replied that he was waiting for someone to carry the bag on his table. I offered that I will carry it. He laughed his thunderous laugh, and looked at us as if we were small puppies. “ Deshpandyaa, that bag has two and a half crore rupees cash for construction of my hospital. A professional bodyguard will carry it. People kill for that. Do you want to carry it?”. I shut up.

In his big car, for the 45 minutes that his bodyguard drove us to the DyCM, I asked Dr. Nitu Mandke questions about what was going through his mind when he was actually operating the Shiv Sena Supremo Mr. Balasaheb Thackeray. Such an enormous pressure it must have been!
“Oh yes, it was stressful. But he is a gentleman, and he had assured my safety. His word is enough”.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

That’s when we told him how some politicos had threatened us recently. He laughed and replied something that has been tattooed upon my cortex permanently:
“Rajas, a doctor is a doctor and king of lives forever. Politicos come and go. Idiots misbehave with others when the have any post or power, in any field. You should not budge. It is pathetic to see doctors licking shoes of those in power, under various pretexts. It is up to you to maintain your dignity and pride. That is the true luxury, everyone cannot afford it. So long as you do the right thing, fear nothing. The few crores in that bag is nothing compared to how I feel about myself”.

We entered the VIP zone and bungalow. His car was not stopped anywhere. The DyCM offered us tea, and gave us a patient listening.
“These junior doctors and students are my boys, our own boys, they will look after the health of our people tomorrow. You must help them” Dr. Mandke insisted. The DyCM assured he will. The spell was broken, talks resumed.
Many twists and turns later, one of the most memorable strikes was called off.

A year later, I saw a white Lexus car in our KEM campus at Mumbai. Fond of cars and having never touched a Lexus, I went to see it from a close distance. Just as I tried to touch it, the driver’s window rolled down, and I heard “Deshpandyaa, open the door and come in. Do you like my new car?”
And I sat besides the King of proud men, one of the most proficient Cardiac Surgeons, Dr. Nitu Mandke, in his Lexus. The feeling is unforgettable, not only for the Lexus, but for his simplicity, love and affection for a ‘nobody’, a junior doctor like myself!

Needless to say, then onwards, I have guarded my dignity and pride as a doctor more than any other possession I have. That took away many opportunities and huge finances, still I am doing quite well by God’s grace, and Dr. Mandke’s blessings.
How I feel about myself is more precious than anything I can earn. The luxury of pride is mine.
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Dedicated to all students, resident doctors, proud people in every field, student unions and their apolitical fearless leaders.
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Save Lives. Share.

My Brothers And Sisters
Please stop posting/ reposting bad news as many amongst us are on the verge of giving up.
If you feel sad/ suicidal please speak to a friend, family member, doctor or psychologist/ counsellor.
If someone speaks about having suicidal thoughts, please seek professional advice of a counsellor asap.
Don’t give motivational speeches or tell the sad and depressed to just “take it easy”, that “you need to be strong like me, this is mental weakness “, do not suggest them exercise or yoga as a remedy. Spirituality, philosophy and meditation are NOT the initial / sufficient remedies for depression.
Let a professional handle it, depression is completely reversible if treated by the right specialist: Psychologist, Counsellor, Psychiatrist or if none is available, any qualified doctor.
Depression is not madness, those feeling sad are neither mad not weak. Please help them recover by keeping a positive atmosphere around them, and connecting them to the right help. Switch off news channels and feeds. Watch comedies and happy music. Play board games with them. Eat something they enjoy together. Make sure they sleep well.
Please tell them in simple and direct languhow much you love/ adore / respect them, this one step may change their perspective.
These corona days will pass soon. In a life of many decades, we are just sacrificing a few months: to stand again, to fight and to win.
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Requesting to share this one to reach as many as possible, your share may save someone’s life.
I have never urged to share my posts. The purpose of this post is obvious. Do please share with all your near and dear ones.

A Superhero Doctor’s Dresscode
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

A Doctor cannot enter home every day and start giving injections to her kids. A policewoman cannot wield a danda/ stick every day upon return, at her family members. A Judge probably cannot say “Order-order” when a child cries at home. We are not supposed to carry our professional mindset and attitude in certain places. Likewise, one cannot expect people from other professions to advise others what is beyond their domain. A doctor will never understand how complicated a politician’s or a policeman’s job is, and vice versa.
A clean and clear mind is essential for every doctor. Even a small mistake in thinking and decision making or actions may cause grievous, even fatal mistakes. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande
There are many doctors who have become infected even before the pandemic with diseases like tuberculosis and hepatitis, while trying to save patients.
It is very essential that every doctor, especially junior, learns to ignore what is not a doctor’s domain. The unscientific territories of political thinking and religion or discrimination are not for the doctor, however tempting and patriotic they may be touted to be. Pressures from society and media can ruin the peace of mind so essential to make a good doctor. A doctor who falls in line with sociopolitical expectations to do something unscientific is not only dangerous to the patients, but can never be called a good doctor.
There are those in higher offices, including doctors, who cannot overcome the ‘superior-inferior’ discriminatory mindset and will advise one and all what to do, taking credit for all good and blaming others for all bad in every situation. They take for granted that a military type hierarchy works everywhere. No doubt it is extremely essential in the military, but in medicine we need brainstorming at every step, a student cannot be expected to act on patients if a senior gives a wrong instruction. One must know, challenge, ask, resolve doubt and then act. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande
Like a Judge in the court who cannot rush an unlawful decision even in an emergency, a Doctor should also only choose what is scientific, even in an emergency. Of course there always should be a sense of time and good. A superhero doc may choose to be a couch potato in his/ her shorts etc. at home, but when on duty, he/ she must don the special dress called pure ethical medical science.
Every Judge who gives a legally correct decision all his life, without being affected by any pressures whatsoever is indeed a superhero. A doctor who takes care of all precautions and helps every patient all the way is indeed a superhero. The heroism lies in defeating the disease and saving every patient one can, NOT in being unscientific and risking lives. Wishing you all decades of success, and millions of saved lives. Always proud of our frontline doctors and nurses!
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

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An Interview With a Neurology Legend

An Interview With a Neurology Legend

Dr. Satish Khadilkar

MD, DM, DNBE, FIAN, FICP, FAMS, FRCP (London)

Dean and Professor and Head, Department of Neurology,

Bombay Hospital Institute of Medical Sciences, Mumbai.

He is a living legend, one of the best neurologists anywhere, a stunning example of what an ideal doctor should be like.

He needs no introduction to those in the medical world: he has carved his golden name in global neurosciences with his passion for Neurology and especially NeuroMuscular diseases, pioneering this specialty in India. I am grateful to Dr. Satish Khadilkar for agreeing to guide us all.

Q: How does it feel at the top?

A: Grateful to life!

In the health pyramid, ‘top’ really means ‘more useful’! And there are at least three parts to being useful: providing service, teaching and conducting research. Indeed, I am grateful to life for having provided me with the opportunities to be useful to colleagues and disease sufferers in all the three spheres.

Q: What are the most essential qualities that a doctor must possess?

A: As mentioned above; service, teaching and research are the three main pillars of medical careers. Each of these requires different virtues. Service requires patience, availability, affordability and the capacity to empathize with the sufferers. Teaching requires clarity of ideas and the ability to be inspirational to the new entrants and younger colleagues. And research requires an analytical mind to understand questions, be unbiased to design experiments in search of the answer.

Depending upon which field you choose, relevant qualities will need to be enhanced. In my mind now, as I have gone on, service has emerged as the noblest frontier for the medicine man. So the essential qualities are compassion, knowledge and the desire to help.

Q: What do you suggest we do to improve the clinical sense among newer generations of doctors?

A: Simple answer: bedside clinics by masters of clinical medicine and shadowing them to see how they utilize the limited resources.

Q: How do you deal with the ever widening knowledgebase while effectively practising as one of the busiest practitioners in the country?

A: Knowledge is of two types, one to know it yourself and the other, to know where to find it! In the present times; we have moved on to the second mode. The great thing about this era is that knowledge is freely available. We only need to develop the ability to design the search to get rapid answers to our questions. There are courses available to this effect.

While this is true for problem-based daily issues, in one’s own area of interest, one has to acquire all the manuscripts and threadbare them, assimilate them and understand them, for deeper knowledge.

Q: How do you handle the incessant negativity which doctors face while dealing with so many incurable conditions and gradually deteriorating patients?

A: Negativity in the doctor’s mind stems from the perceived personal inability to help or to provide solutions. Doctors need to appreciate that their role is limited to being knowledgeable helpers. If we keep in mind the inadequacies of medicine as a science and our restricted role, negativity is less likely to take roots.

Q: What is your take on making holidays, vacation compulsory for doctors to overcome stress?

A: Personally, I do not see the need to take holidays, as my daily work itself is a never ending holiday! I do not remember taking a holiday in last three decades. The better you gel with your work, less it stresses you and less is the need to break.

Having said that, as our work relates to human life, we have to make sure that we take adequate rest and are “on the top of our game” for the hours that we work, as our shortcomings can have consequences.

Q: What advice will you give about handling family responsibilities and duties to the new generation doctors?

A: Human relationships take very long to build and only one indiscretion is enough to undo these. So, in relationships and family, equal attention needs to be given, as you would in your profession. In today’s competitive India, we tend to take the family granted and actually end up doing the least for those who matter most!

It is best to think of this early on while planning the professional career.

Q: What best can be done to stop the exodus of doctors from India?

A: Talented Indian doctors need to be appreciated by the society and the health system in India. System needs to be more humane and responsive to the doctors’ needs. Doctors also need to understand the process of medicine, its goals, trials and tribulations. Till this happens, we shall see movement to greener pastures, where this process has evolved better.

Q: Your guiding thoughts for future Indian Doctors?

A: Let us all remember that we are in medicine to help suffering people. That is the core of medicine. We are healers and scientists. If we don’t veer from this ideal and have patience, all material wants and requirements will automatically fall in place. So to understand medicine, one must never forget that this is the noblest of all professions. I have chosen its nobility as a guiding principle for myself. I found my solace in drowning myself deep in the vast oceans of knowledge about neuromuscular disorders and using it in the service of suffering multitudes.

©️Dr. Satish Khadilkar & Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Young At 98. Secret?

Young At 98. Secret?

©️Dr. Rajas Deshpande

A few months ago I had received an emergency call for a stroke case. The resident doctor informed me that the patient was a lady of 98 years. Her basic tests were normal.

Worried, because stroke is a dangerous diagnosis at any age but more so at that age, I ran to her room as soon as I reached the hospital. A group of her worry-faced relatives waited outside her room.

I entered the room and introduced myself to the patient. She got up.

“Namaskar! How are you doctor? My name is Champadevi Gupta” she said with a big smile and such gusto that I wondered if she was the right patient.

“I am ok, thanks. What happened today?” I asked her.

“Nothing much. I had some giddiness but my children worry so much about my health that they rushed me here”.

Although her examination revealed only mild signs, her MRI had shown a small block in a blood vessel supplying a crucial area of the brain. I explained it to her. She laughed aloud again “I feel okay now. When you feel ok, let me go home”.

She was discharged next morning.

She came in thrice after that, every time walking in with a big smile, lighting up everything around her, keeping her hand upon my head and sumptuously blessing me, inviting for a meal at her home.

Today she came with her youngest son. She is as fit and fine as any young teenager, only happier and more content.

“She has always been like this: happy and content with whatever life brings, in good and bad times” her son Satish told me, “we are 5 brothers, we all look after her, but she still lives alone near my home. She is like a treasure and source of life for all of us”.

Indeed. A laughing, smiling, truly happy, positive and content person is probably the most precious form of human being, and so rare now, that sometimes I want to tell those running behind one thing after another, killing themselves every day: “Look at this lady’s face! This is the secret of a good life, the best health and happiness”.

It is so sad that we are evolving into a “Want more” type of materialistic, selfish, disconnected world with misplaced icons! I was amazed at the willing, involved enthusiasm with which this lucky lady’s children cared so well for her! Incidentally, I had had a tough argument with my teenager kid that morning and had left home in a slightly bad mood. After meeting Champadeviji, whose eldest son of over 80 years still visits her regularly, I was relieved. Parenting is a long term, never ending activity, and may be my own stresses of being a doctor were also distressing my kids sometimes.

As I told her that she was fine and need not visit me for another year, she held my hands, hugged and blessed me, and with mock-anger said “Now if you don’t come to my home I will come to yours without telling you “.

I am now in a true dilemma.

©️Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Till I’m Alive

Over 4 years ago, a late night frantic call from the casualty baffled me. Quite a complicated case. After seeing the patient I met her anxious family and explained them my thoughts, that the diagnosis wasn’t clear yet, and that we needed to observe the patient. I had already started treatment based upon a presumption. The Mandke family, in spite of being extremely well connected socially and able to afford treatment anywhere they chose, still decided to invest their trust and faith in a junior Neurologist like me. The onus to prove them correct was now upon me.

In a few days Mrs. Madhuri Sudhir Mandke was completely cured of the transient illness she had developed, and discharged. After a few follow ups, I told her the good news: she no more required to see me.

Yet every Diwali, she comes personally or sends someone from her family with extraordinary sweets and gifts. When she came over today, I told her this was not necessary, I had just done my duty. Then she said something that moved me: “Till I am alive I you will receive these every Diwali”.

This gratitude not only increases my responsibility, it is also a perpetual reminder of how important it is for every doctor to take it upon himself/ herself to justify, to stand up to that trust which involves health and life. Every outcome may not be what one strives for, but every effort can be made genuinely to let the patient and family feel that they have trusted the right doctor. It is NEVER sweet talking, wise talking or jovial attitude alone, never pure medicolegal attitude, but a combination of scientific, ethical and compassionate care that brings home the rewards of appreciation by the patient: the highest achievement in medicine.

There’s nothing more precious to earn upon earth!

©️Dr. Rajas Deshpande

The Doctor Who Took Fees: One Star Review”

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

False reviews and online beratings against doctors and hospitals have become a reality. However much a doctor goes out of the way to do the best for his/ her patient, following are the reasons why negative reviews are still uploaded, some of them ridiculous:

1. Denial of false certification.

2. Recording truth on paper like addiction (smoking, alcohol, ghutka, sleep medicines etc.).

3. Mentioning preexisting illnesses which the patient / family had hidden from the insurance companies.

4. Denial to falsify diagnosis, treatment and inflating bills to claim medical insurance benefits.

5. Denial to give concessions in standard billing, consultation, visit fees.

6. Advising necessary investigations.

7. Charging for follow up visits (different doctors, specialties and hospitals have different policies, all are usually mentioned in the information prior to consultation. All follow-ups are not same). © Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

8.. Waiting time: This is the saddest in India. The standard waiting times for specialists all over the world range from 30-90 minutes, sometimes longer, but it is only the Indian patients who convert this into a complaint. Sometimes earlier patients may have taken more time, asked more questions, sometimes patients cry when a sad diagnosis is conveyed, one cannot ask them to leave the room, there are incessant calls for emergencies etc. . The same traffic and weather conditions affect a doctor’s schedule too, but some are unforgiving. The fact that Indian doctors are available on usually the same day or mostly a week in spite of a heavy workload means nothing to our people, even those who have visited the Western world and witnessed that it takes months to years to get a specialist’s appointment there.

9. Behaviour of the doctor: Agreed that some doctors are indeed rude, some are in a hurry, and that is wrong. But usually doctors develop a lot of patience as they mature, dealing with all sorts of negativity continuously. Sometimes patients do offend doctors by asking illogical questions repeatedly, by challenging every word that the doctor says, or by making illogical demands. These demands include repeating long explanations about the diagnosis and treatment, requests to speak on phone with a distant relative to re-explain everything because they are too busy to come over, asking questions like “Are these medicines necessary?” etc. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

10. Unfair, illogical statements “I cannot tolerate any allopathic medicine” rules this section. What do you expect a physician to do?

11. Unfair, unrealistic expectations: Every drug has side effects, including vitamins, and these side effects are NOT the doctor’s fault. The doctor can alert the patient about common side effects, but cannot explain all side effects of every medicine, as it is impractical. Secondly, while some medicines act within seconds, some take effect over weeks to months. Those without patience who expect relief within few hours / one day usually upload angry reviews about both “no effect” and side effect” commonly.

12. Declining demands for admission. Investigations and OPD treatments are not covered by most insurance companies, so some patients demand admission even when not indicated. When refused, even if the patient was cured, the doctor still gets a negative review.

13. Google masters: Some patients bring a lot of irrelevant questions and conceptually wrong use of medical terms to the doctor’s table, and however politely one declines to waste time over such, a negative review is almost guaranteed. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

14. Habitual negative reviewers: I once found a negative review of a patient who had actually responded well to treatment and was cured. He had complained about having to pay for a follow up visit after few weeks. A small google search revealed that he had uploaded many reviews from those about railway stations to collector’s office, from autorickshaws to five star hotels, almost all negative. Unhappy man!

12. Professional Competitors- this is a new reality: doctors hiring agencies to boost their positive reviews and add negative reviews to their competition. The simple fact check of how many positive reviews over how much time reveals the truth.

Some negative reviews are indeed genuine, I have had them myself, and called and apologised to the patient, clarified my stand too. However when they were malicious, I have informed the concerned site manager and also posted a reply about reality.

How to know?

A negative review must have a legitimate name of the person writing it, and details of date and time of the visit. That way the doctor can also confirm whether it is genuine and help resolve it. A nameless review is always questionable, good or bad.

In a recent news, a National restaurant association has decided to sue people who upload negative reviews about food: just because they want more or free, just because of their mindset is negative, just because they are insatiable. Even IMA should consider suing people who upload wrong, defamatory, spiteful reviews about doctors. Even the ‘hired good reviews’ by doctors should be discouraged.

Issued in the best interests of patients and doctors.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Please share unedited.

The Beautiful Secret

©️Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“I found her outside the public toilets near sassoon hospital” the lady said almost as a whisper after her daughter left the room. “She does not know. Nobody knows. Please don’t tell her ever”.

That 15 year old girl Teju was brought to me over 10 years ago, with uncontrolled fits. Not all fits / seizures are convulsions, there are many different types. Teju would suddenly behave abnormally without knowing it for a few minutes and then start crying. Her studies were affected as she had such episodes many times a day. She had been to some excellent doctors, but as she did not tolerate the medicines she had stopped them and refused to go to a doctor. Her mother Latha had somehow convinced her to meet a neurologist only once, so they were here.

Latha was a single, middle aged lady, who worked at a few homes all through the day mostly as a cook. Her husband had died long ago, and she barely managed to maintain her livelihood while living with Teju in a chawl. She narrated Teju’s history to me, but when I asked about parents having any fits or other neurological illness, Latha winked at me and said “No, I am okay, even her father was okay”. Then she asked Teju to get her a bottle of water from the canteen, and just as Teju closed the door behind herself, stunned me with her words: “I found Teju outside the public lavatory near sassoon hospital . She does not know. Nobody knows. Please don’t tell her ever”.

Then she explained in a hurry: “Doctor, you are like a brother, I will not lie to you. I had run away to marry my husband, but he was an alcoholic. He died in a road accident. I had no one left in life, and wanted to die myself. One night I was returning home from my job, and went to the public toilet on the way. There in a large heap of waste I saw this girl, only a few weeks old, almost dead. I took her to a doctor, told she was my sister’s daughter, and got her treated. Then I could not think of letting her go, I had found my purpose in life. I am a good cook and get by with salary from cooking at over 5 homes now. I want her to study well, but this epilepsy has been our curse now. I wish I was rich so I could treat her well”.

That last sentence hurt me. One, she was rich. Two, she thought good treatment needs one to be rich.

Teju had reentered, so we changed topic. I explained Teju her diagnosis in medical, scientific terms, and the reasons why this illness happens, how we can control it with the right medicines, and how her quality of life will be far better if her fits were controlled. “You will be able to look after yourself and even your mom well in the future if you are self sufficient” I used the trump card. She agreed to take treatment.

“Secondly, never worry about fees. You are a free case now onwards. You can even get discounted medicines at some pharmacies”. I told them addresses. Latha hesitated: “Doctor, we will pay, we don’t want to take advantage. We don’t want you to hush up because we don’t pay”. Their concern was genuine, and I assured them that I will do my best for them. No good doctor will turn away a treatable patient for want of money, I know many who treat poor patients free, unfortunately it never comes on record.

That was long ago. We were able to control Teju’s fits in a few weeks, and bring her drugs to a single dose of medicine. She followed up every six months regularly, each time with her mother. She gew up well, and always topped her class.

Only last month, she came alone.

“Doctor, I have a good news. I have been selected by a software giant in the USA. They have offered me a gorgeous salary too. I am leaving in a week’s time. I have come to tell you two things: first, please take care of my mother for a year, I am planning to take her with me to USA after that. Secondly, I can now pay the fees for both myself and my mom. I am rich now! So please tell your receptionist to make a bill for all my consultations till now.”

I laughed and congratulated her. “Well. I have promised your mom something, I will sort out about the fees issue later with her. As for her medical care, don’t worry I am here. I am glad you are taking her with you, many can’t”.

“Oh never! I can’t dream of leaving mom alone here. She has grown me up alone after my dad died. I know how hard she has worked for her daughter” shesaid, with wet eyes.

I had an emotional moment, a sudden urge to tell Teju the truth. But I refrained. This indeed was the truth now. Latha was Teju’s mom, and I had no right to change that. I regained my composure.

When she touched my feet, she asked “Do you want anything from the USA doc?”

“Thank you, I have everything I want with God’s grace” I told her the truth. Indeed, He had given me the ability to change lives positively, to contribute to humanity in innumerable ways, to help people live better lives, nay – the best lives they could. What more could I ask for?

©️Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Please Share Unedited.

True Story, names changed.