Tag Archives: bollywood

Dear Indian Film Industry,

Dear Indian Film Industry,

We doctors support the sentiment of Producer’s Guild’s open letter today about relentless efforts to disrepute the entire film industry based upon some negative experiences.

But there’s a contradiction in that logic.

Please recall the umpteen times that the dignity of entire medical profession was decimated in films by showing all doctors and hospitals in poor light, casually beating them up by heroes. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Thanks to the dialogues like “They hook up dead bodies on ventilators to earn more money “, thousands of Indian patients who could have otherwise survived were disconnected from ventilators and taken home to die.

Thanks to one episode of Satyamev Jayate, thousands of great ethical Indian doctors suffered mistrust, vandalism and violence at the hands of malleable filmgoers.

The very ugly, dirty, cheap and below-the-belt jokes being cracked to gain TRPs by dressing up as doctors in comedy shows, addressing kidney thefts in films as if every doctor is involved, showing street goons teaching doctors humanity and not to wait for paperwork (by the way, it’s not doctors who made the paperwork laws, and no doctor lets any patient die for lack of paperwork): how do you think this affects our now-maskless society?

Fortunately the pandemic has exposed how “disciplined and civil “ our society is, and what the doctors do.

300 doctors have died during this pandemic, serving India, completely ignored, but the news channels are hooked on to the news about film industry: that’s sensational! “Negative” attention burns souls: like ours when we doctors watch films with our children and the heroes beat up and treat doctors as they typically do: humiliating!© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Entertainment at the cost of someone else’s pain and suffering hurts, do you agree now? If a few stars have cocaine, it is unfair to blame all. If a few rag others it is unfair to blame all. If a few doctors are corrupt, it is very unfair to defame all. Rarely do we see an Indian film about good doctors- honourably mentioning the good Indian doctors portrayed by few like Mr. Amitabh Bachchan or Mr. Pankaj Kapoor.

Add to this the uncalled-for and hurtful fun made of certain communities like Parsis (most valuable contributors to Indian Honour), patients with epilepsy/ disabilities, even those who have stammering or squint etc… who are already being shamed by our retro minded society. When will we cross the need to hurt/ shame someone disabled as a form of entertainment?

What goes around in films comes around in reality.

Let us respect each other. Like everyone else, doctors too enjoy watching good Indian films as stress busters, we are also your fans, but it really hurts when doctors are unnecessarily defamed/ shown in poor light in films.

I must mention, many of our critical patients watch your movies and songs on TV screens in ICU, and forget the pain, even imminent death because of your performance and talent. I have seen patients laugh on their deathbeds, thanks to some performers, actors and singers. We are indebted to you in that sense. One of my stroke patients who couldn’t speak suddenly started singing along with his favourite hero Mr. Dev Anand on screen (Khoya khoya chaand..khula aasmaan..), a phenomenon well known in Neurology. I really didn’t mind it when the relatives said he had recovered because of Dev sahab and that song!

Dear Indian Film Industry, We love you, (actually some doctors imitate you, dress up like you, and even flaunt their biceps to their colleagues). We adore your talent, but please recognise ours too, and stop defamation of medical professionals in films. Please don’t sacrifice medicine’s dignity to prove the hero’s greatness. Indian female doctors in reality are far beyond only good looks, almost none corrupt. India has given some of the best doctors to the world. We appeal to your sense of decency to consider this in future before bashing medical professionals in films. We can definitely accommodate healthy jokes and humour about ourselves, but spare us the perpetual role of real life looters.

Wishing you a quick and healthy recovery and waiting for our most handsome, beautiful and talented actors to come back with wholesome entertainment as soon as possible. Also exceptional gratitude to Mr. Shahrukh Khan for his huge donations of life saving PPE kits for doctors, and Mr. Sonu Sood for everything he has been doing for our society.

Coming soon in the nearest theatre to see all of you once more.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

#filmindustry #producersguild

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The Bollywood Hospital

The Bollywood Hospital

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“You are invited for the inauguration of The Bollywood All-or-None Good Doctor’s Ultimate (BANGDU) Hospital” said the card. I was ecstatic, because now I could meet the so-claimed best experts in the field of medicine, the Bollywood heroes who “create” and advise the screen doctors, and know best about medical profession. This was also my lifetime lucky chance to learn about new methods of medical practice yet to be discovered by the actual medical professionals practicing all over the world, like conducting heart transplants only by using cellphone batteries and delivering babies using toilet vacuum pumps over Skype after graduating in engineering, which all the Medical councils seem to approve without hesitation.

My good friend with emotional incontinence (uncontrollable crying / laughter) Mr. ‘Arun Khar’ (Mr. A) was to be the medical director of this hospital, because usually he declares himself the perfect and best at the outset, and everyone else has to be compulsorily less smarter in his shows, movies or whatever else he does. As I wished him a good evening, he reminded me that I should now call him ‘Dr. A’ as the Bollywood Medical University has conferred upon him the superspecialty degrees in all medical and surgical branches within one year of joining the course because he was too smart: in fact, he showed me the special “Oversmart of the Century” certificate conferred upon him by the BMU.. There was one more reason that he was chosen the boss: he had also produced huge number of patients via his work, in the field of violent revenges and other human injuries so essential to improve other human beings.

The crowd was overwhelming, as the public and some TV channels were very excited that the “Real Good Doctors” from Bollywood with Godly qualities were now available for their free and most accurate miraculous treatment, there was no possibility of any patient dying. Unless of course they wanted to shoot for some movie, where the script demanded that the patient died. The hospital was decorated by the best imported designers in artful colours, live orchestra played beautiful tunes stolen from the western musicals, but the theme was Indian (sorry, Desi). The ambulances standing outside had turbo and nitro modes, and their sirens were created by the best South Indian Music Directors, in the “Karuna Rasa” (nectar of compassionate pity). The paramedics and ambulance drivers were said to be trained by the best Hollywood stunt masters. Each ambulance was also equipped with praying priests from at least four different religions.

So it came that Dr. A started showing me around.

“This is out Casualty in charge Dr. Mithun Coconut”, he said as we entered the casualty, introducing me to a sickle-wielding man who was threatening all the casualty doctors. “He has already killed three doctors today for not saving the dead bodies of our innocent film stars who were fighting gang wars with guns, bombs and knives since their childhood”, Dr. A proudly hugged Dr. MC. They both wiped their eyes after taking the right pose in front of the camera.

Dr. MC then explained the relatives of a critical patient of brain tumor, by showing them an X-ray film of pelvis on the view box. How artistic and meaningful!

I was curious about the blood bottles hanging upon each wall, ready to be transfused, labeled “Lost son 1, Lost Mom 3” etc. When I asked about it, Dr. A answered with a trademark cunning smile: “That is our creative idea: so we don’t waste time in blood grouping etc., we can readily transfuse blood when the lost relatives are here. We are so advanced, we even have emotional singers sitting in the casualty specially for that occasion”.

“These are our Operation theatres”.. he showed me two rooms with green and red bulbs over the door. We entered the first room. It was empty. “This is our ‘Director’s cut’ OT… Different genius directors invent different medical / surgical procedures, like cutting the heart and keeping it in the freezer till the hero kills the villain, hero holding his totally cut head for days so it fits back, conducting online deliveries etc… we have reserved this OT for such emergencies. You routine doctors will never be able to match us!”.

The second operation room had specialized music systems to adapt to the patient’s heart rate and criticality. It automatically started to show the patient’s life in flashback and played songs sung by either his / her parents or fiancé in the past, so their heart would restart. “The doctors and anesthetists are very well trained here to look frightened and concerned into each other’s eyes and sweat heavily when the patient goes serious. We have three specially trained “tears of joy” nurses who smile a curiously contorted smile when the patient’s heart restarts. The lighting also adapts to the situation” He described.

Then we went to the ICU.

The moment we entered, someone karate-chopped my neck and hit me on the head. As I regained consciousness, Dr. A introduced me to the ICU in-charge: Dr Akkha Kumar. I had heard the name earlier: He was world famous for his work: killing all those who were living and saving all those who were dying. “Why did you hit me?” I asked, hiding behind Dr. A. He looked at me angrily and said “This is my style.. I assault all qualified doctors, govt. officers etc. to prove that I am better than them. Do you understand?” He asked, pointing a gun at my forehead. “Yes, Sir”. I said.

A nurse came running “Dr. Akkha sir, the patient has had a cardiac arrest.. they are resuscitating him”.. Dr. AK jumped over three beds and thrashed the doctors who were trying to save the arrested patient: “You idiots.. his heart has stopped.. Khattam… Don’t treat this dead body now..”.. “But sir, she’s young, and may survive..” said one young doctor… “Bang”. He received a bullet in his forehead. “My Style, remember?” asked Dr. AK to me. Some people came in and actually performed a pooja and aarti upon him for his human values: after all killing and violence was such an easy solution to all problems, which the likes of Gandhi and Einstein had missed!!

In the next room, there were many elderly ladies. “We even provide these praying and crying Moms to our patients at discounted rates. They have a degree in emotionally blackmailing the doctor, and the only way our patient’s will start talking again, however critical with whatever diagnosis.” Explained Dr. A.

There were sounds of loud music coming from the auditorium next door. As we entered it, we saw the ever clever and strong  Chunabhai MBBS: whose famous radical theory of providing “alcohol and sex” to all dying patients had caught the fancy of our times. The old methods of religious recitals and soulful things were so bland for the dying! How could sex and alcohol not make them happy in their last days? These were the only things one could want in life, especially when dying young with grievous illnesses! Chemotherapy, Radiotherapy, Counseling.. were old treatments. How innovative and mind-blowing!

“Is it all free?” my natural question.. “Yes, for those who watch our movies. You must show the tickets for entry in this hospital. Those in emergency can buy tickets for our shows in the multiplex on the top floor.. we thought of everything.. medical charity is our aim”. “What is your first response when an emergency arrives?” I asked Dr. A innocently.

He smiled his famous “Ain’t I cutely great?” smile, and said: “Just see”.

In a few minutes, an ambulance rushed in. Dr. A was at the forefront with his team. What a hero!! The patient was apparently having a heart attack.

They made a circle around the patient. Dr. A and his team removed their shirts. Some wardboys came with buckets and mugs. Some others rushed in with a huge water pipe. The orchestra opened with loud drums, to which they all danced: “Jab Life ho out of control … Toh Hoton ko karke gol.. Seeti bajake bol… Alll Izzz Welllll (Basically a hindi song meaning when Life gives you the raspberry, just say All Is Well to yourself till situation resolves!)” .

As the music drowned the patient’s voice, I saw the relatives and TV channels line up to get the autographs of these greatest doctors upon earth!

(c) Dr. Rajas Deshpande

PS: Purely an imaginary story. No truth at all. Any resemblance to any human, animal or non living entity or event is purely a perversion of reader’s imagination.

PPS: For all the criticism of medical profession they show, whenever the b’woodians need to show a hero / heroine intellectual, he / she is a good doctor automatically. This post is for the real good doctors!

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