Tag Archives: father

A milestone: An extremely proud moment for me.

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A milestone: An extremely proud moment for me.

Yash, my elder son (Red Shirt) joins the prestigious New York University for M.S. Data Sciences tomorrow, selected through stringent merit criteria.

I have grown up my children with similar principles as practiced by my parents: to become good human beings, to make the world a little better. I hope they justify this aim.

Many of my well-wishers helped me through this difficult journey (Thank you Axisbank Loans😊). I am grateful to all of them from the deepest corners of my heart!

I may not have been the best parent, but I certainly did my best to do whatever it took to be one. There is no career achievement in any field greater than passing on the power and legacy of “Good and Right” to the future generations.

Two things shook me.
Firstly, our society has taken for granted that fathers are secondary, and we were always bombarded through songs and movies and all possible sources that a life without a mother is meaningless. I think mother is synonymous with God, but so was my father for me. But for kids growing up without a mother, such social “prejudices” are quite offensive. In fact, most fathers I know are equally responsible and involved in the parenting of their children.
Secondly, whenever there was an argument between me and kids, I lacked the spouse-support, especially in matters where kids questioned my decisions and thinking. The only way to handle and resolve this was to explain everything logically, and apply the same rules to myself that were applied to them. I grew up!

A personal note: When I mention how difficult it has been to raise kids as a single parent, most people interpret it as a “bad past memory” that I am unable to “get over”. Some ask me to ‘forget it all’. It is like asking me to forget what I learnt while becoming a doctor. I can’t, because it makes me a better doctor to remember everything I learnt and then avoid the negatives.

The kids (like most) have always been a boon and a bliss, the difficulty was not them but with my highly stressful duty, the availability and the time required to be with them. They understood and supported me, compromised and forgave me, we fought and reconciled, cared for each other, laughed and cried together, and I cherished every moment of it all. Only a single parent who has raised two kids while working as a full time doctor will understand the effort. I don’t regret, repent or sadden myself about anything. I am seeking neither praise nor sympathy: just mentioning it for the many doctors who have to struggle very hard to attend this dual career.

If only, I am proud of our survival story. A major part of my struggle was not only to grow up the children well while not letting this affect my duties as a doctor, but to stay alive at all costs to be available for them till they became self sufficient. Uncertainty surrounds us all, but it haunts doctors worst. I did manage to be around till this day. That’s the milestone I refer to.

Of course there were serious readjustments in career (Thank You, Ruby Hall Clinic for standing by and supporting), compromises in personal life and social interactions (misrepresented for choosing to be asocial), but the reward is in this picture!

I seek blessings from you all to help us become the best we can, to make this world a better place.
Dr. Rajas Deshpande

To pause for respect

To pause for respect

To pause for respect

© Dr Rajas Deshpande

After completing the neurological examination, I asked Mr Harkishan Budhrani to sit down and put his shoes on. His son accompanying him got up, sat near his father’s feet and started to adjust his father’s shoes for comfort.

To pause for respect was my only choice.

Mr Harkishan Budhrani is a British citizen, and so are his sons Mr Naresh and Mr Raj. Every time one of them accompanies Mr. Budhrani for the consultation. They not only come prepared with their father’s health details, but also take notes and follow all the suggestions. Yet what is most noticeable for me as a doctor is the care and respect with which they speak to their father and treat him. There’s nothing artificial about their attitude, which makes it special! They take his permission for every change we agree to make, explain him and patiently wait for his consent and questions. They hold his hand and even ask him whether it is ok to walk ahead! Rarely do we see children from very affluent families being so careful and loving to their parents.

In an era where many a times sons and daughters accompanying their parents either bluntly ask “How long is the parent going to survive, What basic minimum can be done without much expenditure, Is it okay not to treat at all” etc., when we come across such extremely gratifying moments, I feel that all is not lost. By experience now I don’t think that this belongs specifically to Indian culture, in fact people from most cultures in the world treat their parents far better than many Indians. The very fact that Our govt and courts have to make laws and take steps for abandoned and neglected parents speaks a lot about what is happening. In fact, the more affluent a family is, the less likely that the children genuinely care for their parents.

Taking for granted that the parents do not want to live longer, deciding on their behalf that expensive treatments are useless and unwanted, oversimplifying all complaints as ‘age related’ and completely neglecting medical care are common observations in our practice.

This moment therefore brought me a beautiful ray of hope.

21st July 2018 is Mr. Harkishan Budhrani’s 85th Birthday. While I pray for his excellent health and perpetual happiness, I wish that every parent is as fortunate as him and that Mr Budhrani lives on many more hundred years as an example for all of us.

©️ Dr. Rajas Deshpande