Tag Archives: Healing

Time doesn’t fly!

Time doesn’t fly!
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“How time flies!” meeting after a long time, a friend exclaimed. “You have not changed much.” she added.

I am usually dumbstruck when someone from remote past meets enthusiastically and presumes you are the same person. If at all I remember the name and reference from the past, I do ask some “safe” questions, but mostly remain a poor communicator compared to the hyper-dramatic “hug and hold and be ecstatic” types. As she went away apparently amused and with a promise to keep in touch, my mind lifted the curtain upon a full blown orchestra in waiting within it.

Did time fly?
No. It walked very slowly, laboriously, and made me older than I ought to have been. It ate into my youth like a tyrant, laughing aloud, meaning to humiliate openly, as if asking “You wanted this life, so pay for it. You couldn’t choose to do what most do. You had to listen to yourself”.

Time showed me the irony: that nothing good gets rewards in life, unless you learn the language of spiritual satisfaction. It showed me the compromises lurking on every nook and corner leading to success, fame and riches. It taught me that the price of being right is loneliness. It made me look skywards every other day, seeking intervention and justice from the divine, for things not only my own, but those suffering around me too. It also taught me patience.

Patience that must outlast its own being meaningful, patience that must last beyond life itself.

Time took away the innocence, the faith, the trust that I came with to life. It made heavy each bit of each moment when the rolling tears had a reflection of laughing friends in it, they didn’t turn away then, they just denied those tears! The margins between friends, enemies and strangers were blurred by the mysterious paintings of that eternal artist: time.

Time taught me the songs of hurt in the notes of happiness.

Not everyone lives in truth. Most who compromise and tell themselves “I am Happy” never get to know true happiness. There are rare truly happy people, with one common quality: they have less desire, less interaction and acceptance of themselves not being understood or accepted.
Otherwise in most cases true happiness is inversely proportional to the product of intelligence and sensitivity.

It is a sin, now I have started feeling, that we live among so many lies, afraid to fight them, scared to even think about things that are wrong just because of a persistent social phobia. In an attempt to forget the slow onslaught upon our very being by the passing time, we have chosen to find respite in food and entertainment, in words that please and amuse, and in running away from ourselves and home and even reality to distant destinations, only to return and find the old man ticking slowly.

Awareness of the genuine negativity in the world can be labeled depression only by the slow witted, slower by centuries!

Time doesn’t fly. It makes you pay for each moment. These moments are mostly so painful and filthy, so filled with labour and envy of the undeserving having it all, that we choose to only remember the “Good Bits”, hopping over the bad, hoping it will die away before us. It does not.

The quest for enlightenment comes only after one garners the ability to survive the truth. Of all pains in the world, of all difficulties in life, truth is the worst to bear. One starts to understand Lord Buddha only after that courage.

Next time I meet my friend, I will tell her that time didn’t fly. Also that I have changed, become a different person than the one she knew. Just to keep the books clean. One more stranger will be added to our list of acquaintances. She won’t care, nobody does about these things.

One more piece of life will so die.

Time doesn’t fly. Life does, in the opposite direction.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande.

I have to walk my life alone. Always.

I have to walk my life alone. Always.

I can deceive myself and others by pretending to understand.. Hold hands and falsely reassure myself and someone else of things being shared, but then we both choose to close our eyes to the reality: that no pain ever can be shared. No happiness, no personal achievement, no mental evolution, even peace cannot be shared. We cannot divide anything that’s not physical, anything in mind/ heart is not often understood even by ourselves.
The only thing that can be shared is Love.
I can depend upon no one. I can use people, and they can use me for mutual gains. This is growth, but at the cost of either’s freedom to grow alone, and the speed of growth of the faster one among the two. Friends and family can help me in tasks I specify, but then again, I can’t depend upon anyone if I want things done when I want them done. No one is born for the purpose of helping me achieve.
The only person I can depend upon is myself.
I have to pursue my dreams. I have to stand up to my aims. I cannot expect anyone to push or pull me. No one can motivate anyone. Those who need to learn and move ahead do so by their own will power. Those who need help need it all their life. Those who blame others, circumstances, and situations are in fact declaring their own submission to these all. One may fall due to someone else’s fault, but getting up is always a personal choice.
I am the only guardian alive for my dreams.
There are no guarantees of any future. Nobody is expected to follow rules to suit you. Everyone will ultimately choose what suits them most and that too, materialistically. I am, and you too are selfish to the core, that being the human nature. Some of us learn to overcome this for love in different forms. This is a personal choice, not mandatory for others because you chose to be unselfish. No one dances to your tune, and you do not dance to anyone’s.

I can only choose what I do, not people.
Relationships between two where one is superior are fake to the core. That is slavery by definition. Be it between two humans or that between a human and an institute or society: respecting each other equally is the definition of a relationship, all else is financial / legal / professional contract. A relationship where both are not equally happy and satisfied (words may lie) from within is useless and redundant. It is amazing, the length to which we may deceive ourselves before realizing that the other was just using us, and our imagination of them was a mistake all along!
A relationship is only possible with true equality and mutual respect.
There is immense pain in loneliness, but there is cheap compromise in accepting a deceitful relationship. There is no meaning in a bond between two if there is no true love. Complete understanding and acceptance, no deceit, mutual respect of each other’s choices, and also a willing, caring attitude towards solving the differences are an essential part of any mixture of minds. We often deceive ourselves for the people we like, and realize over time that Nature / God / Prudence / Wisdom / Intuition had all warned us again and again about compromising for petty gains. If to avoid looking down upon ourselves in future, we need to be more careful in choosing who we trust. This is the brain put to one of its best uses.
Love is only blind, we should not make it deaf and dumb too.
Tc

Rajas Deshpande