Tag Archives: Media

Living By The Words ‘Being A Doctor’.


Living By The Words ‘Being A Doctor’.


© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“He is critical, an emergency heart surgery is planned tomorrow morning. The surgeon says there is very little chance of surviving this. I don’t know what to do. I cannot imagine this is happening to us.” Dr. Ranjeeta Joshi was crying on the cellphove, still making an effort to keep her voice even. Her squeezing agony about the sudden illness of her Orthopedician husband Dr. Sudhir Joshi reflected in each word she uttered.

This was a weird coincidence! I was not working that day, attending a court summons because a patient was being divorced for having epilepsy. On the way back I also had had a terrible argument with a very precious friend, we were both hurt. Both these had emotionally upset me badly, and so on my way back to Pune, I changed my route to visit my favourite Ganesh temple, where I usually rediscover my lost calm when life batters my patience and bludgeons my peace. Just as I entered this temple premises, I had received this call from Dr. Ranjeeta.

I knew the couple well because Dr. Ranjeeta is struggling bravely with two bad diagnoses: Multiple Sclerosis and Rheumatoid Arthritis. The fluctuations of both cripple her often, but she stands back stronger every time. I knew she was already using a walker. Dr. Sudhir is one of the most renowned Orthopaedic surgeons in Mumbai, with his own hospital at Dadar. Dr. Ranjeeta looks after the administration of that hospital.

I was shocked. I didn’t know exactly how I could help. I reassured her. I told her I was praying for both of them, and urged her to have complete faith in a good outcome. One of the best cardiac teams, Dr. Ramakant Panda, Dr. Vijay DeSilva, Dr. Tilak Suvarna and their colleagues were to operate Dr. Sudhir in few hours. I prayed for the couple, informed her so, and returned to Pune.

She kept updating me. The surgery lasted over 11 hours. Dr. Sudhir was shifted to CCU.

Dr. Ranjeeta ran the show at their Dadar hospital. The staff of their hospital refused to accept salaries that month, and told Dr. Ranjeeta: “You have always looked after us and our families. Now it is our turn to stand by”.

Every passing day was like a slow mountain of fear heavy upon the shoulders of everyone involved. While using her walker and occasionally a wheelchair, Dr. Ranjeeta successfully managed to attend all his needs as well as home and hospital. Dr. Sudhir gradually came out of critical status, in a few days started walking again, and within two months started attending his patients.

Barely after 10 weeks of this major calamity, this medical phoenix started performing major surgeries again, back to his “Doctor Normal”.

When they came today, I was quite moved to see him all back to normal. Of course the love that the couple emanated for each other is beyond words, and I will refrain from expressing what is more beautiful unsaid!

Dr. Ranjeeta, with tearful eyes and a smile, said “We are so happy and grateful to God that we won! I feel every doctor must decide to be a survivor, strive to keep fit, because so many lives depend upon him / her.” she said.

“You are such a brave motivation!” I told Dr. Sudhir.

“It is my privilege to be a doctor, not everyone is lucky enough to become one. In death no one has a choice, but in life we do. I wanted to live and practice again, because being a doctor is a special ability! I can do so much for so many. I love this so much, that this itself became my motivation to survive and become fit again.” Dr. Sudhir replied.

As I stood mesmerised by his words, a beautiful guide to every doctor, he extended something.

A Montblanc Special Edition JFK Fountain Pen, something I was window shopping for so long!

What I ever did to deserve it, I will never know. But this beautiful pen will always remind me of the great JFK,, and more importantly, how I must make the best of my own life as a doctor .

One of the most famous quotes of JFK reads: “As we express Gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to just utter words, but to live by them”. There are thousands of prayers involved in becoming a doctor, in surviving, in reaching where we are today, each one of us. If only we live by our words, what we promised ourselves to be, never giving up, we can defeat so many adversities that stand between us and our life-goals.

Thank you, Dr. Sudhir and Dr. Ranjeeta Joshi, for this reminder, and being a great example.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

G-Bhai, The Suicidal Intellect.

G-Bhai, The Suicidal Intellect.
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
G-Bhai is an extraordinary genius, and all that he lacks in the matter of manners, culture, and grooming oneself to a neat and clean appearance is compensated for by his superb analytical abilities and internet access. He was so engrossed in Google all the time, that he was nicknamed G-Bhai by his family.
A few weeks ago, he went to his boss, who owned one of the biggest profitmaking multinationals upon earth. The boss was absorbed in his divine meditation about new tricks to lay off more IT personnel in pursuit of that greatest human achievement in today’s world: moolah. G-Bhai, who believed in complete equality, sat cross legged in front of his boss, and scratching his beard, told his boss where all the boss and the company could improve. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande
The boss, amused by free entertainment, asked G-Bhai where he learnt it all.
“Internet” said G-Bhai, and showed some Googled statistics to his boss.
“Thank you, you are fired with immediate effect” said the boss
G-Bhai wasn’t affected at all. With his oversized grey T shirt, jeans, slippers and laptop that connected him to all the internet data, he was still the king.
He thought of adventure, and went to the Indo-Pak border. The firing and shelling was full-on. He met an Indian soldier who asked him to hide in his shelter. The soldier, who had spent all his life upon the border, was prepared to even die for this citizen, so gave away his helmet to G-Bhai.
G-Bhai was intensely searching the internet, wearing the soldier’s helmet.
“Don’t fire the gun like that” told G-Bhai to the soldier. “This website says the right way to fire is with the gun aimed at oneself”. The soldier ignored him and continued to defend the border. Just as he held a hand grenade to be thrown, G-Bhai held his hand. “Let me search first if you are doing it correctly” he said. The soldier, now in defense of his own life risked, slapped G-Bhai tight and asked him not to interfere. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande
G-Bhai proceeded to write a very critical review of that soldier, saying that in his opinion, all the soldiers were doing it all wrong.
Then he went to the court and tried to teach the lawyers how to argue, and the Judges how to analyse cases and deliver judgments. He showed them multiple websites from which they could learn law. “We are all equals, why are you sitting so high?” he asked the judges and tried to sit on the Judge’s chair.
After six months in jail, upon his release, G-Bhai went to the police commissioner to teach her how to deal with crime and criminals, based upon internet searches from different countries. He came out limping, and refused to tell anyone why. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande
Due to excess stress, his health worsened. He went to the best of the doctors. He demanded that he wanted a complete check up to reach the most correct diagnosis. He was advised tests. He researched the internet and did only the tests he thought were necessary, because he thought all doctors were corrupt. He reached a very reputed doctor with the test results. The 70 year old doctor examined him, checked the reports and told him: “You are a failure in your own life, you have excess stress, and are unable to handle it. You are jealous of everyone who is doing well, and therefore you have developed a complex that everyone who does well is either corrupt or wrong. Go home, exercise, find your own life and deal with yourself” When he tried to show the experienced doctor what internet said, the doctor smiled and asked “Did you also net-teach your parents how to make you?”. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande
G-Bhai then went to many doctors in many pathies. Then he researched and tried many home remedies. But his health kept on worsening. He was very upset and started a blog of criticizing that all the doctors. Here, for the first time in life, he discovered success: he was an instant hit, because there was a huge population who agreed with his views. There are more buyers for poison than for wisdom in this world.
But unfortunately by then, his kidneys failed due to experimentation with various medicines and various pathies. Now he is undergoing dialysis and posts his anti-doctor articles from the dialysis ward. The old doctor recently visited him with his flock of medical students, and spoke with empathy to the bitter G-bhai, who tried to show the old doctor some more internet references about his treatment.
The old doctor then told his students: “This is what I would call a suicidal intellect”.
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
Please share unedited.

The Remedy of Trust

The Remedy of Trust
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
I entered the ICU in a torn and angry frame of mind. An old patient had had fluctuations in heart rate and blood pressure all night, and was on the thin line between life and death. Irregular heart beats had clotted his blood and he had developed a paralysis.
I had had a terrible argument with family that morning, and had left home without a breakfast, thinking that I will catch up in the canteen if hungry. The traffic on the way was as usual bad, it further worsened my mood. Messages kept pouring in: pending bills and health enquiries that were an attempt to avoid a proper consultation. One can ignore, but sometimes ignoring is stressful too!© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
As I entered the hospital, I was told about some machine not working. The technician had commented that it was beyond repair now. New one would cost over 30 lacs minimum, and this machine was required on a daily basis. My head started pounding. Another loan now, another recovery period!
As I passed the billing counter, an imposing rogue with a group stopped me. “Sir, the bill is too high, do something”. It was an open threat worded technically as a request. The relatives who folded hands to save the patient till yesterday were standing behind that rogue, looking unconcerned, not even happy that the patient was alive and being discharged after a life threatening illness. I sent them to the charity cell.
I entered the ICU, staring into my cellphone where angry messages of argument kept pouring in, a dear friend was upset that I was not available to see his relatives in another hospital immediately. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande
The old patient was sleeping. A glance at the monitor revealed that the patient’s BP was now stable. His heart rate was regular too. What a relief!
The patient’s wife got up, she was in her 80s. Fair, all white hair, and the confidence of culture upon her face, she smiled through her wrinkles and troubles. The Kumkum on her forehead was bright and fresh. She wore a torn saree, and had no ornaments except a thin thread with black beads that made her Mangalsutra. She was bending forward due to age.
She then said “He spoke to me this morning. He is feeling better than yesterday. I know he is old, but please give him the best treatment. We have been together since childhood.” Her eyes became wet.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
Then she made an attempt to touch my feet, something that woke me up with a shock. A tingling feeling ran through my body. I held her hand and asked her it was ok, and returned the gesture by touching her feet too. I told her I will try my best, and her husband appeared out of danger at that moment.
She gently prodded the patient: “Look, our doctor is here. He says you are getting better. Do you recognize our doctor? Say Namaskar to him”.
Confused for a moment, the old man stared first at his wife, then at me.
He then tried to lift both hands, but only one went up, which he raised to his forehead and whispered “Namaskar”.
The old couple, the age of my parents, was saying Namaskar to me and touching me feet, many decades younger to them, because I was a Doctor. They never knew me until two days ago, but had trusted everything I said. They did not question my ability or intention. I like to be professional, but that should never compromise my manners.
I switched off my cellphone.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
I suddenly felt ashamed of the mood that I was in. They did not deserve it. Their complete faith was to me the best return and reward of my efforts of so many years to become a good doctor. No amount of money ‘thrown at me’ by those who think of ‘buying me services’ would actually be my interest or aim. This was.
I smiled at the old lady, and told her that should she have any concerns, she can ask the staff to call me anytime, I would be glad to come over. Then, to repay her for bringing my smile back, I wrote on the billing sheet: “No charges for me in the case”.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
When I walked out of the ICU, I was feeling proud and smiling. The faith of this patient and his wife had cured me of my bad mood too. I was prepared again to forget my personal woes, to take over the faithless hundreds, still do them good, in an attempt to reach out to the really deserving faithful, who knew their doctor would only do them good. That is the essence of my profession, my education, and my intention.
A patient who trusts a doctor earns for himself the best in that doctor. Always. Although we do not expect it to be understood by everyone.
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Gods of Humanity

Gods of Humanity

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

About four years ago, this brilliant young man entered my chamber. He introduced himself as

Dr. Amod Kale, veterinary practitioner, and said:

“I have a different favour to ask. I have a dog patient with a neurological problem, and am not able to find any references. Will you help me treat this dog? I am not charging anything to the owner. I am doing this as my own hobby” He showed me some videos.

The doggy had some jerky abnormal movements of both hind legs. Some human medicines helped the doggy, and I became friends with Dr. Amod.

Since then, he came with many more cases: rabbit, parrot, cats and dogs who had neurological problems. These animals were either abandoned or orphaned. Dr. Amod not only helped them find a home, but went out of his way to solve their medical problems, mostly spending his own money for everything.

This time he came with a new friend, Mr. Tushar Kale. On 9th March, Mr. Tushar was riding his bike near his home, when he witnessed that another bike ran over a stray dog. The biker who had hit the dog ran away, as the dog lay there in the middle of the road, unable to move.

Mr. Tushar Kale lifted up the injured dog and took him to a government veterinary hospital. As they could not offer much help, he brought the dog home and contacted Dr. Amod Kale. Dr. Amod examined the dog, started with basic treatment, and recorded some videos to show me as he thought that the dog’s spine was broken.

The spinal cord appeared to be severely damaged, there was no movement in the dog’s hind legs. The dog was never going to be able to walk normally again, although some effort could be made for improvement, it would take months. I told the duo so.

Mr. Tushar replied: “My mother said she will take care of this dog, whatever happens, because we cannot abandon the dog in such a condition”.

We started some medicines and supplements.

Mr. Tushar’s mother, Mrs. Mangal Kale, although not educated beyond primary school, has a heart of gold, so rare in today’s world. She has taken such excellent care, that the doggy has shown remarkable improvement now, in spite of some complications like a bedsore, which also is healing now.

In a world where many choose to abandon even their parents, where highly educated brothers and sisters fight for properties but not for taking care of parents, this example of a doctor and a middleclass family caring for a stray dog is so reassuring! An example that Gods of humanity still exist and thrive right in this desert of deteriorating civilisation, mothers like this is what the Earth needs most desperately right now!

Thank you, Dr. Amod Kale, Mr. Tushar Kale and Mrs. Magala Kale, for carrying forward the one tradition that differentiates humans from animals: Humanity.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“Do you want a broken leg, Doctor?”

“Do you want a broken leg, Doctor?”
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Three days after he suffered a paralysis, after having tried Voo Doo, Herbal and some other medicines, an old man of 80 was shifted to a big private hospital once he became comatose. The three sons accompanying him didn’t even touch the comatose patient, they didn’t even care about whether he was covered properly or not.
His Blood Pressure was too high, and he turned out to have a bleeding in the brain, untreated till this moment. His brain was swollen badly.

Every private hospital has free mandatory beds for poor patients. This family was asked about their preference and eligibility. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande
“We will pay everything. Don’t worry about the money. He should get the best room and facilities” his son said. They signed the necessary documents about knowing the critical condition of the patient, charging schedules, willingness to pay etc.
Then the sons came to me and said “We don’t care about the money, doctor, but he should get completely cured”.
This was expected, experience teaches a doctor about relatives as much as about patients.
“He is 80 years old and critical. At this stage I cannot guarantee anything. Complete recovery looks impossible, partial recovery may be hoped for if he responds well to standard treatment” I replied.
“But we will pay anything you want” the younger son said.
I involved the PRO, a lady who had far better patience than myself dealing with attitude and arrogance. Explained them once again, and left after the patient was shifted to our Neuro Intensive Care Unit. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

The patient improved in five days. Started to speak a few relevant words. Out of danger, shifted to Deluxe Room as requested. The only person who ever attended the patient was a 15 year old grandson, mostly the patient was left alone.
The sons had by then submitted some documents claiming a BPL “Below Poverty Line” status, but those were found to be false. A fake letter in the name of charity commissioner was also attempted. The hospital PRO reminded the patient’s sons about the pending bills regularly.

It became clear that none of the three sons who earned well themselves wanted to pay for their father’s treatment. They had continuous fights amongst themselves, the only thing they agreed upon was not wanting their father. The request “He must get completely cured” was not because they wanted his health, but because no one wanted to take home a disabled father to care for years.

The hospital took a stern stand. The bills had exceeded two lacs rupees, nothing was paid. This indeed was burglary with blackmail.

After repeatedly asking to meet the patient’s sons for another three days who did not pick up the hospital calls, I told the attending boy very carefully to please remind his parents to settle the pending bills, also reminding him that nothing in the treatment will wait or change because of bills.

In two hours I received a call. It was a local Municipal Councilor.
“Doctor, do you want a broken leg? Are you a doctor or a businessman? How can you speak about money to a small boy? Just keep on treating. We will do something about the bills through our MLA. If you speak about bills again, remember, there will be news about your hospital on every channel”.

Do I have time, energy to waste, filing a police complaint? Will it be any use at all? © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

In no other industry, not even in govt. offices, will anyone be given anything on credit: even for a paper worth five rupees. Even the poorest of the poor cannot get free food or travel in private industry. But the entire private medical care is expected to go on working in ‘credit’ mode, for everyone who claims to be poor. Emergency is understood, and no hospital or doctor thinks about money in case of emergency. But once emergency is over, those who cannot afford a private hospital should go to a government hospital. A private hospital needs too much investment per bed, and anyone who questions this can please sponsor one bed in any ICU for a poor patient, see for themselves what the actuals cost.

Who will even address this Burglary and Blackmail that happens everyday in every private hospital in India?

There should be an online portal by government / police for doctors and hospitals to report patients dumped by family, families who refuse to pay, those who use threats and intimidation anonymously. Then the ‘other side’ of this story will be clear.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“I Swear”

I Swear
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
“Have you forgotten your oath, doctor?” asked the Hon’ble minister to Dr. Prasad.
The fat elderly reporter accompanying the Hon’ble minister laughed. “We must teach these doctors a lesson” he said.
Being a doctor, good language and behavior is essential. So Dr. Prasad swallowed the immediate reaction that had sprung to the tip of his tongue, one that involved references to some passionate human interaction.
He then smiled.
“Sir, did you attend any school?” he asked the Hon’ble minister innocently.
The Hon’ble minister was offended. He had not had a respectable academic record. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande
“What does that mean? Do you know who you are talking to?” the accompanying reporter raised his voice.
“Yes, I know I am talking to a patient. A human being with the same organs as me, but not the same merit or intentions” said Dr. Prasad.
Before the cunning reporter and the Hon’ble minister could formulate a reply, Dr. Prasad continued:
“Sir, all over India, for ten years, everyone who has attended any school has recited every morning, the National Pledge. That is our promise to our beloved nation. Let me remind you of some sentences in that prayer:
I shall give my parents, teachers and all elders respect and treat everyone with courtesy.
To my country and my people, I pledge my devotion.
In their well being and prosperity alone lies my happiness.
Tell me Sir, are all politicians, ministers, media persons, businessmen, lawyers, and other professionals following this oath that they have recited every day for ten years? If yes, where does violence come from? Not only in hospitals, but in every other home, against children, against womenfolk, against even the elderly”.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
“But you are a doctor, you have taken an oath to serve” said the defiant Hon’ble, expert in the art of diverting discussions.
“No, Sir”, replied Dr. Prasad firmly, “I have not taken any oath to tolerate violence or abuse, or to risk my own life or limb. I have not taken any oath to feed with my blood and sweat the deficient and perpetually corrupt healthcare systems. I have not taken any oath to be nice and kind to attacking, drunk, abusive or irresponsible people who enter the hospital with an almost dead patient at the last moment and then expect the doctor to perform miracles. I have never taken any oath to treat Judges and Ministers and Rich VIPs above the poor, really deserving patients. I have not promised anyone that I will neglect my family or my own health”.
“I have only taken an oath to honestly treat the sick with dignity, not thinking about money. That most doctors do, some who fail are common in every field. My oath is to help a patient recover. If I fail, try me in a court of law. Send me to a court that understands law better, and appeals people not to be violent, tells governments to protect everyone against violence, rather than asking doctors to tolerate violence as a part of their duty. It is exactly as backward as like asking a wife to tolerate her husband’s atrocities as a part of her duties”. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande
The restless tail barked again: “But the public pays for your education”
“I beg to differ, sir. No one is obliging anyone by paying for doctor’s education. The country needs many more thousand doctors. And we pay taxes too, to be protected. People pay taxes for a good and cheap healthcare system, please give them that, rather than them having to depend upon private hospitals. A doctor is just a small component in healthcare. Don’t blame him for expecting the same protection that every citizen expects. The infrastructure and policies are pathetic, and an intelligent taxpayer will one day understand that the doctors are not taking home any money as their alms. Everyone knows who gets richer with taxpayer’s money, Certainly not the doctors”.
“As for your allegation, respected reporter sir” said Dr. Prasad calmly to the tail, “You are educated, you have a responsibility to heal social ills, not widen the bleeding wounds and survive on that flowing blood. There are so many good examples of reporters / media persons who bring immense good to our society. The ability to sit in one’s chamber with all controls, and bark at everyone, manipulate speech cunningly, distort facts pretending to be holier than others, while your seat is dipped in hidden honey is not reporting”.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
“Doctor, you have too much ego” said the angry Hon’ble.
“No sir, intolerance to stupidity is not ego. Every religious ceremony, every professional oath makes us repeat the good we must do, including a minister’s oath of office. . Very few actually do it, but everyone thinks it is only the doctor who must follow his oath” said Dr. Prasad.
He then checked the Hon’ble Minister and wrote him a prescription that included weight reduction and abstinence from alcohol.
Without a Thank You or a payment, the powerful duo left.
“I swear” said Dr. Prasad, smiling to himself, “I will never give them the joy of taking it lying down”.
That is the basic oath of every self respecting human being.
Jai Hind
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
Please share unedited.

“If I don’t set an example, who will?”

photo-23-02-17-18-56-00“If I don’t set an example, who will?”
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
One fine late morning, a phone call woke me up. “Hullo?” I used the trained professional cautious voice that does not encourage further conversation, hoping to not let go of the sleep stage.
“Good Morning. I am Rashmi Shukla, Commissioner of police, Pune. May I speak to Dr. Rajas Deshpande?” the lady on the other side said.
My heart missed one middleclass heartbeat and performed five higher class somersaults. Sleep ran away like a signal jumping two wheeler pursued by a traffic cop.
“Yes mam, speaking” I sat up in bed.
“I want to show my aunt to you. When can I get an appointment for her?”
This was unusual.
Usually most bigwigs just walk in without any warning and want to be seen immediately. Some soft-threaten an appointment via their secretary. Some come with the hospital owners, some hassle the boss to get the doctor rush for them whenever they want. There even are netas and officers (not only police) who ask doctors to “hurry up” with the patient in the chamber and see them first. If you make them wait, your boss usually would remind you many unpleasant things in chaste English.
So, about this call, I felt very respectful.
“Anytime you want mam. What time is convenient for you?”
“You say doctor, you people are always so busy. I will arrange my schedule accordingly”.
“4 PM today?” I asked
“Ok. We will be there” she said.
At sharp 4 she came with her aunt and waited patiently for their turn. Inside the chamber she behaved like a common citizen, and politely narrated the details of her aunt. She listened to the instructions and prescription details, and asked a few questions. She made me laugh with some puns too. Then she thanked me and left. We kept on reading about many new initiatives and improvements she implemented in Pune.
When she followed up today, again with similar polite call for appointment and then a punctual visit, I told her how admirable and respectable her politeness and etiquette was, and how rare it has become among the highly placed.
She smiled: “Doc, If I don’t set an example, who will?”.
Huge Respect, Commissioner!
May all police and government officers be like you!
Then when I requested her permission to write this and also for a a pic, she said “If you don’t smile in the photo, I am going to have you arrested immediately”.
Thank you, Mrs. Rashmi Shuklaji, Commissioner of Police, Pune, for making a common doctor like me feel great again about my choice of this profession!
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Goodbye, Doctor

Goodbye, Doctor
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“Screw this satisfaction. Dump this happiness. Can you try to understand that I am fed up of both?” said Dr. Sahil. He was one of the busiest and most respected specialist in our town.

Surprised at a superspecialist doctor friend speaking this, still impressed by his ability to identify and speak the truth about himself. I let him go on.

“There’s no guilt. There’s no regret. I have done my best since school. Topped everything. I did not feel the extra effort: I finished graduation, PG and Super PG by merit alone, that too without having to make a great effort. I have practiced over 15 years now. I did some research, but don’t enjoy the kind of research that goes on in Clinical medicine now. I have practiced with all my heart, and all my time. Now I don’t want to. Repetition kills me, and I cannot see anything but that now”. He paused.

We shared the best bond between two humans: mutual respect with no curtains. Either of us didn’t feel the necessity to modify speech for political correctness or covering up naked feelings.

I replied: “I understand. But we always thought that we need to save lives, give back to the society. So many will benefit with your genius”. I realized just as I spoke, there was something hollow about that. Or did he just uncover a mirror in me?

Sahil was as calm as a meditating saint. “I don’t feel so. Nobody’s saving lives. We use scientific knowledge to try and treat the medical conditions we see, try to comfort the suffering with our kindness, and earn our bread under the continuous threat of something going terribly wrong. I have studied for fifteen years, and served the society back for more than that.”

We sipped our coffee in silence for some time. Hans Zimmer’s ‘Discombobulate’ was playing at that time in my chamber. Coincidences are too much sometimes. That heavenly symphony of all disconcerted instruments played by the expert musicians is one of the best things in human history I think (link below).

He smiled at the music. “I did not promise anyone to spend an entire lifetime doing what I don’t want to do anymore. I respect the gratitude I received, although it was rarely pure and sustained. I am sure many better than me will replace me and continue to treat patients who need care. I have never felt respected or accepted in the society, it was always with the caveat of ‘not all doctors are good’ that the people who I served looked at me, not the other way round.“

He became serious. “I don’t want now to work hard all day and night, be serious all the time, and step up my already busy schedule to reprove my abilities again and again. I am fed up of having to prove my worth and abilities to those who I do good to. When almost every illiterate as well as the educated questions my intentions, I don’t think anyone deserves an explanation. Half my time is spent now explaining the patient what is good for them, why they must do the tests and take the medicines, how I cannot predict all side effects or complications and be held responsible for them. I became a doctor to treat people, not to cover up for their suspicious ignorance with my knowledge and time”.

Somewhere deep, I understood him. But the ego of a doctor: that we have “accepted” the responsibility to serve prodded me to argue with him. I said so.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“Who are we serving, Rajas?” He asked. “Society? Government? People? To what end? Where do you see this service either recognized, rewarded, acknowledged or reciprocated?. Then again, where does it all end? The line of unaffording poor is unending, the complaints of affording are mounting, and I seldom get a peaceful night’s sleep, inspite of a clear conscience. I will retire without enriching my own life”.

I remembered my favourite author Richard Bach’s view: “The simplest questions in life are also the most difficult ones to answer”.

My lawyer friend, Advocate Shrirang Choudhary, had time and again pulled me out of civil hospital Nanded. I had this habit of ‘living’ inside the hospital, beyong the 12 hours duty. I would just go home to take a bath and one time meal, then return and stay to assist every consultant I could: there was such a sense of fulfillment in learning!

Shrirang would pull me out, we went to the riverbanks and he ensured that we talked for a few hours anything except medical world. “You will kill yourself if you spend all your life in the obvious negativity that is the milieu of any hospital. There’s more to life than being a good doctor. Treat yourself to the immense beauty life has to offer. You have only one lifetime, and limited active years”.

I realized how much I had wanted to pursue a career in poetry, music, philosophy and adventure. It was with such ease and passion that I had given up all of it, proud that I will be saving lives. Now after 15 years of practice I saw another valid viewpoint.

“You get used to the satisfaction and happiness, the challenges and the victories in healthcare. I can understand that some may enjoy the repetition of the same for umpteen years: in fact an entire lifetime. But can you please also understand that to me it feels like an artist who paints only one big picture or sings only one song in his entire lifetime?”

I knew what he spoke about. I was suffering the same, but had avoided to think of it.

“Do what you want in your spare time. Reduce practice. You must take a break” I suggested, “A long break.”
To lighten up the mood, I added, “Although people will immediately say that some pharmaceutical sponsored your holiday and fun”.

“I wish I cared what people thought” he smiled, “And I don’t want to run away. I don’t want to do anything half hearted. I want to walk out gracefully. Like a saint or a seer walking out upon the world and going to the Himalayas. Why is that more respectable than a doctor wanting not to be a doctor?”
I did not have an answer.
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Dedicated to those who understood this post.

Hans Zimmer’s Discombobulate music video:


Emergency: The Doctor Is Not In

Emergency: The Doctor Is Not In
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“It’s an emergency, doctor” shouted the angry son at my OPD door at closing time, around 11 PM. We rushed to the casualty. It indeed was an emergency. His father had developed a stroke, and was found to have a moderate sized bleed in his brain.

His younger son who had done some medical diploma in some yet-unrecognised pathy had stopped his father’s blood pressure and diabetes medicines three months ago. “I was observing him at home. The BP was high and the sugar was around 300, but I was trying my own medicines, as I don’t have faith in allopathic medicines” the son told me without a trace of shame or guilt.

“How long has your father had these high BP and sugar levels?” I asked him, impatience choking me.
“May be a month” he had replied coldly.
The treatment initiated by the casualty doctors had stabilised the patient. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande
As we returned to OPD, the angry resident doctor with me said “He should be booked for attempted murder”.

Within three days of the admission, both the sons of this patient decided to take him home. Patient had still not recovered his consciousness well, and was being fed via a feeding tube. “We will manage him at home. We will call you if anything is required” they told me.

Grown up by now, I replied “I am not available on phone. Please see your local doctor or take him to the nearest hospital should he have any problem”. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande
“What if it is an emergency? He is under you care” the elder son asked aloud, in a threatening voice.
“He is not under my care once discharged. We will advise him medicines and give other instructions. I am not your paid servant. I am not available for consultation on cellphone” I told them my working hours. I had not become a doctor to be abused by those who wanted to save time and money. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Then over four months later, the two brothers entered my room at 9 PM.

“Doctor, our father is having vomitings with blood since yesterday morning. He is not responding well when we speak. Can you prescribe something?” the elder brother asked “He is at home, we thought we will first give him some medicine and try”.
“Why didn’t you admit him even when he had bloody vomiting yesterday?” I asked, almost knowing the answer.
“We thought it will stop. Also, there was nobody to admit him. We both have our office jobs.
“I cannot prescribe anything without seeing such a serious patient. You must take him to the nearest hospital with a gastroenterologist. Please treat this as an emergency” I told them. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

However their calm was unruffled.
“We will take him to some hospital near our home. They will treat him immediately no?” asked the younger one.
Before I could reply, the elder brother raised his voice again: “They will have to. Or we will show them. This is an emergency. If something goes wrong, we will bring down the hospital”.

In two days, we read the news of a small nursing home ransacked and destroyed, doctors manhandled by relatives because this patient had died. The doctors who tried to save him were arrested under an allegation of “attempted murder”.

The word “emergency” is as familiar to every doctor as his own name. Hundreds of deaths in casualty are related to delayed admission at the terminal moment, and no one looks at the gruesome ignorance, neglect and delay behind the scenes, which equals murder by the patient’s own friends/ relatives. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande. Addicted to thoughtless emotional outbursts, our society usually reacts without logical thinking except few intellectuals who do not constitute a vote bank.

Drug reaction? Beat up the doc!. Patient in casualty or hospital died? Beat up the doc! Arrest them! Jail them! If the same patient is killed due to wrong treatment by his relatives, or dies at home because he was never taken to the hospital by family members: it’s okay!

Many who are advised right tests don’t do those. Many who are advised right medicines do not take them. Many do not undergo the correct procedures / surgeries advised. Because the patient is “King consumer!” Then when their health deteriorates. It is suddenly the medical profession that becomes responsible for everything that goes wrong.

Time has come for IMA to demand an enquiry into the circumstances few hours / days / weeks prior to every death in casualty and emergency where the doctor / hospital was blamed. Right from neglect, ignored medical advice to hidden information, many skeletons will tumble out. An IMA legal cell should start filing cases of culpable homicide in every such case. Then alone, equality principle will prevail.

Time has come when small hospitals, nursing homes and clinics, which were earlier trying to rescue serious patients in emergency, will display this board after the regular OPD hours:

“Emergency services not available. Doctor NOT in campus”.
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

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Thank you, Life; Thank You, God!

Thank you, Life, Thank You God!
This was my first birthday without either parent, and I woke up feeling sad about it. Who knew, by the end of the day, God will have set things right, as He always does! Add to that an important message that the day left..

Knowing myself, I cannot understand how someone can like or love such an asocial reclusive loner who is obsessive, over-expectant, irritable, slightly egoistic, sarcastic, does not party or gossip, and cannot understand many people around himself.

Somehow though, the friend list is full, thousands of wishes pour in from across the world, and personalised messages and calls and prayers for happinees, health and everything good keep resounding the day with God’s grace. I did not know how many souls I am connected to, and my heart is full of joy today that so many people actually think of me!

Many colleagues dropped in to wish (in fact since two days prior!), bringing gifts (Oh I love them!). And at the end of the day came the family: my beloved students, who come with the sole aim of make me laugh, become a child again.

To deserve this love over and over again, for this is my only treasure and achievement, I must now make an effort: to be less sarcastic, irritable, obsessive, and to be always thankful for these beautiful people in my life. I will make an honest effort!

I can never forget what my friends and students love me most for: my effort to imbibe kindness and humanity and to live a life drenched in an honest culture of creative intellect and equality. On this birthday, I have promised myself to try and improve myself every which way possible, to deserve this love and affection.

Thank you, everyone who wished me today!

Thank you God, Thank you Life, for today!
(c) Dr. Rajas Deshpande