Tag Archives: Meditation

A Doctor’s Meditation

©️Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Religion and medicine should never be mixed. Yet it is extremely necessary that a good doctor understands the mindset of a patient, especially a frightened, disturbed patient, and holistically plan the treatment rather than just writing a prescription for an ailment. To calm the mind of an irate patient, it is necessary that the doctor has that ability and self restraint, acceptance and compassion. A doctor who thinks in terms of religion and has a resultant bias can never understand patients even from his own religion as there’s no single path in any religion.

Science has to think of human body and mind only logically, with a sharp reasoning and on the basic presumption of equality. Genes may differ across races, but their numbers, function and dysfunction are the same across the human species. Racism is a serious disease of human mind. ©️Dr. Rajas Deshpande

I have always lived a parallel, isolated life to evolve mentally to be able to understand myself better. Only if I understand myself, my fears, my wants, necessities and my preoccupations, my expectations from others and my thought processes well, will I understand other human beings- in my case, the patient. This inward journey makes me a better doctor than knowledge, experience and information alone. This understanding is superior to even medical and social wisdom.

To achieve this, I have kept acquiring insights and inspiration from various religious texts and their translations, commentaries on religion and philosophy across cultures, and of course many scientific analyses of human mind. This of course comes after the dedicated time reserved for studying scientific medical sites and texts on a daily basis. ©️Dr. Rajas Deshpande

One prominent requirement of today’s doctor is to advise on meditation as many patients seek that from their treating doctor. I cannot advise something impractical or anything which I have not found myself to be useful. Researching this, I came across a beautiful article written by an army officer about the essence and technique of meditation. He had suggested this book above as an ‘Ultimate’ commentary on the science and practice of meditation. It has nothing to do with religion, it is an effort to delve into the depths of human nature. I reiterate, when I go to the hospital (and outside my home in general), I don’t see myself as belonging to any religion. I truly believe in the equality and beauty of every human being. Starting to read this immensely complex book today, hopefully it will help me and my patients too.

©️Dr. Rajas Deshpande

The Zen Of a Doctor: An attempt of honest meditation

The Zen Of a Doctor
An attempt of honest meditation
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

I am now tired, mentally fatigued, I want to recover to joy. I do not want to lie to myself.

I love treating patients, resolving their health problems. I love the feeling of their recovery. I love the gratitude that comes my way. I am proud of this ability to be compassionate, to harbor empathy and to understand and fight suffering of another human being. I am proud, that money is not on the top of my priority lists. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

But now I am tired of the whining: not the whining of suffering, for that is mine to destroy happily, but the whining by choice of adopting an extremely stressful, dirty, unclean, unhealthy lifestyle, not preparing to change, not preparing to pay for health, and then blaming it all upon a doctor. Women openly suppressed by husbands and large families, children tortured by parent’s whims, men exploited by their own desires and careers, and an orthodox, superstitious society where the most literate and educated believe in sometimes poisoning themselves with unknown medicines, and then have the audacity to question a qualified doctors’ intentions in writing a prescription. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

They want everything of the best quality, from panipuri to cars, and are willing to pay extra for every luxury, while expecting that only healthcare must come free, and the very doctor whom they cannot trust, cannot tell the truth to, must treat them with best empathy and honesty, give them enough time to ask unnecessary questions and doubts, and then should waive off the fees out of sympathy. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

I am also tired of the corrupt practices in medicine, and the hopeless scenario that everyone rather tends to believe that the doctors are all corrupt (some indeed are, but so are few in every profession, shut up pseudo Einsteins of argument!) rather than seeing the open markets established by uninhibited corporates who are seen hand in hand with the administrators, some pharmaceuticals and some in power. Corruption by those in high places, that ranges from producing some of the worst quality, inexperienced doctors, to dispensing lower quality everything just because they have understood this trick: people fall for low cost anything, even health. Such a disaster that people do so many unnecessary tests under the “Health Check” scams themselves, but when the doctor advises even one test, suspect him / her of wanting more money! © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

I refuse to be exploited. I can only change myself, not the world. Hence this meditation.

I want to live a good life: not full of gold and diamonds, but of joy, health and inner peace. Of independence, financial as well. Of my own choice and preference, not what the society decides for me. I want quality time for myself and my family too. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

I do not want to be a busy doctor irritated and shouting at everyone: I would rather earn less and guard my composure. Those who cannot respect this will be given a chance to understand, but only once.

I will continue to stay highest in my principles. I will refuse to compromise on the quality of healthcare I want to practice, just because someone wants a cheaper, faster but less ethical alternative, less correct choice. I will see less number of patients and rather spend enough quality time with each of them, and charge them higher as per time and expertise, rather than hurrying through.

I will choose to encourage trust in my patients with my own behavior and words, but if I realize they are still trustless and question my integrity, I will refer them to their choice of another specialist, because I want to retain my best peace of mind for my next patient.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

I will not take the extra effort to explain everyone why I do what I do, my duty is to be honest to myself and my God, my patients. I have limited time, now and in life, and I will expect that faith, trust and a level of basic intelligence (that has nothing to do with education) will enable everyone to see clearly that I mean well. That is my promise to myself: I will always mean well to my patients, and offer them my best. That should never preclude my own happiness. This will enable me achieve my inner peace so essential for a doctor.

I feel better with this already.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

The Mystique

I desperately wanted to get admission to the DM Neurology course, one of the toughest known. The entrance for only 6 available seats in India then was attended by many hundred doctors who had passed their MD. The results came on a stormy rainy evening, there was a chance: I intensified my prayers.

The interviews left me stranded on the high edge: I was first on the waiting list for Neurology. I returned with a heavy heart to Aurangabad, and joined a private medical college as a lecturer, just to buy time. I started preparing for the next entrance, to be held a year later. The feeling of “not having what you want” is the worst in the world. You know it, I don’t have to explain!

A loner, I sank further into studies, and my calendar was full of studying, teaching and attending my toddler son. I was posted in a new unit, I was told the new boss would be a little “surprising”.
I met Dr. C. S. Shah, professor of medicine next morning. He had a Roger-Moorish mocking expression perpetually upon his smiling face. An excellent clinician himself, he had his own mysterious style of behaviour and speech, and the best part of it was he was completely unconcerned what people thought of him. Still more enviable, he didn’t think at all about them.

“Why are you stressed?” He asked one day after the rounds, as we had a light OPD. I told him I desperately wanted to get into DM Neurology course, but was waiting because there were only 6 seats in the country then. He asked “So what? Study all the Neurology you want and practice it… who is going to stop you?” “But sir, people look at the degree” I replied .
“That is why you will always be stressed. People.” He laughed at me.

“Give it up” he said.
“What?” the dumb me.
“Your desire to do DM Neurology. Give it up” he replied with his trademark mysterious smile.
If it was anyone else, I would have lost my mind. But this was a person I respected.
“I won’t be at peace with myself sir” I replied.
“Are you at peace with yourself now? Have you ever tried giving up what you desperately want just because your arrogant mind wishes it?” he asked me.
I had never. I remembered my favourite quote from Einstein’s book “Ideas and Opinions”: “Man can indeed do what he wants, but he cannot will what he wants”: profound words by Schopenhauer!

I was not prepared to. This was one of my fondest wish: to attain the highest in Neurology education, and DM was an essential step for later plans.

Once we spoke about prayers, I told him my efforts and failures about meditation and “Kundalini Jagruti”. One of my early mentors Dr. P. D. Purandare had encouraged me to read J. Krishnamurty, and I had attempted “feeling one with eternity” for many times, without success.
“Because you are not prepared” Dr. C.S Shah answered immediately.
“For feeling one with all, you cannot have a selfish intention that can harm anyone else. You eat killed animals, how will any animal feel one with you? If you take what belongs to others, if you want to be better than everyone else by showing them down, why will they feel one with you? Inner peace has a price: you cannot hurt or deceive anyone” he added.
It was difficult to follow this in a competitive world where the ability to cleverly deceive others is considered smartness, and to diplomatically market that ability has become the gold standard for most businesses. Honesty and loyalty are considered weaknesses in a world that faces the worst addiction humanity knows yet: money.

But the divinity of good is that it seeps into your soul, whether you like it or not, and even the bad ultimately knows to respect the good. I gradually started realising what a grand difference it makes to myself, to not harm others by even a word, by making choices based upon honesty and trust.

Dr. Shah often told me: “Give up your desire.. it kills you…you will get whatever you want only if you pursue it with a neutral interest, with a readiness to let it go. The more you run after something, the more difficult it will get for you. Nothing is more important than your peace of mind. Don’t sell it for anything else in life”.

He took me to the Ramakrishna math (monastery), where he had found his inner peace. It was such a joy to let the silence soak your being, a flood of realisations that woke me up to what life had to offer and how my stubborn wishes had suffocated my own possible futures. To let go is not always weakness, it is also a sign of higher maturity. A loser or a coward lets go for fear but a winner lets go for a better life.
There, in complete silence, I made a decision that a million words and thoughts had been unable to make: I wanted to move ahead, and even my best dream couldn’t be an obstacle in the path for a good tomorrow. Dreams were not meant to stop my life.

I resigned and went to Nanded, joined one of the best hospitals there and started working with a cardiologist who wanted to pursue a social career. He offered me to take over his hospital.

On 7th January 1999, my birthday, I signed a contract with him. I had also finished a religious book as planned, and my parents were very happy about all this.

On 8th January, I received a telegram:
“You are selected for D.M. Neurology at KEM hospital and Seth G.S. Medical college Mumbai. Please report immediately”.

I called Dr. C. S. Shah sir, and told him I got DM after ‘giving it up’.

He laughed.

“Now give up your dream of a happy life” he said.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande