Tag Archives: Music

Homoglobin

Homoglobin

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“How much is your experience, doc? Have you ever seen any cases like this?” she asked. She was accompanying her father who had Parkinson’s Disease, quite common all over the world.

Many hilarious and abrasive retorts came to my mind:

‘Do you ask such questions about the pilot or driver when you board a plane or bus? , Do you ask such questions when someone absolutely inexperienced is made a minister of important portfolios like health, defence, environment etc.?’ If you can have faith in them, why cannot you trust your qualified doctor?© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

However, being on the doctor’s side of the table, I could not allow myself losing patience so easily. I chose the most professional answer, forcing a smile: “I am practicing since 25 years, over 15 as a Neurologist, and I have seen over two lac thirty thousand patients till now. Almost every Neurologist sees an average of 30-40 patients per day”.

When the rural / illiterate populace asks these questions innocently, I am never offended, but if it is the literate suspicious kind who treat manners and etiquette as an ‘optional’ part of communicating with the doctor, I feel just like when someone spills my ice-cream. It is difficult to connect with a paranoid literate, however hard one tries.

Apparently satisfied with my experience, she shot her next google bullet: “Can this happen because of his low Homoglobin? I read it on a blog.”

“The correct term is Hemoglobin”, I told her, “and its low level does not cause Parkinson’s”.

It was over 45 minutes since they entered, I had replied to every point on the question paper that they had prepared from a Googlesearch syllabus. The next patient must be already angry now, I thought.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“How can you be so sure that this is Parkinson’s Disease? What’s the proof?” Fired she.

“There are many diseases where there are no proofs of diagnosis, some can be proven, most are based upon the doctor’s clinical judgement. Sometimes quite costly tests are required to prove what is an obvious diagnosis. You are welcome to obtain a second opinion” I replied.

“Can his Parkinson’s be the side effect of the knee surgery done eight years ago?” She.

“No” me.

I now issued a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order for my gasping patience.

Most doctors know the simplified versions of how to explain the patient in layman language about the common diseases/ disorders. Every type of case requires a lot of reading and actual handling / treating to gain insights about that condition, something that is impossible to explain exactly to the patient / relative, especially because they do not know the basic concepts, organs, their functions etc. What even the brilliant medical students take repeated readings and many case studies to understand well, cannot be simplified enough to explain to all and sundry.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Add to this: every patient even with the same diagnosis is different, needs an individualised approach, and no google guidelines or statistics can replace the doctor’s wisdom in making a treatment decision especially in complicated cases. To make the most accurate decision and to explain it is a doctor’s duty, but the understanding quotient of the patient or relative cannot be the doctor’s responsibility. Medicine is so complicated, that even the most experienced doctor in the world cannot say he knows everything about any single medical condition.

The more you attempt to educate some literates, the deeper in a quicksand you enter. Because they are not satisfied with the fact that the doctor is making the best effort to educate, but look upon this as an opportunity to question the knowledge and wisdom of the very expert whose opinion they are there to seek!

They try and catch words and cross question as if it is a legal argument.

“You said swelling: show me where is the swelling?” most common question.

“Well, it is called Inflammation in medical language, there is no accurate translation for that word even in Hindi, hence we commonly use the word swelling. It may not be a visible swelling”.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

It is not always the fault of doctor’s ability to communicate, it is often the over-expectation that one can understand everything. It is laughable that even those some whose life is a mess, who are failures in their own chosen paths try and argue about medical diagnosis and decisions with highly qualified doctors.

However profound a doctor I may think I am, there are so many things I do not understand: politics, finances, many people’s behaviour, mathematics, government, etc., and I am ok without ith not understanding most. However I do not have the audacity to ask an expert in these fields / professor / CA whether he / she has enough experience.

But with a doctor, these liberties are becoming rampant now.

“I think he has convulsions because of his spondylosis” one halfpant+crocs combo tried to punch a new hole in my knowledge recently.

“Let me decide that” was all I replied, rather than explaining how he was beyond wrong.

The shorter you keep it, the sweeter it remains. I would rather save and use my time for those worried, panicked patients who have enough faith in my abilities, who understand mutual respect, and who will have at least this insight: that the doctor knows best how to treat patients.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Of course I am aware that there are some doctors too, who initiate rude conversations, do not respect simple etiquettes, and are quite difficult to connect to. Most patients even when offended by rude doctors, kindly choose not to react although they carry home a bitter feeling. Every medical student, every doctor must be taught in the earliest parts of internship about the code of etiquette and mutual respect while dealing with any patient, and only then expect the patient to follow it too.

Coming back to this lady, I wrapped up the session by telling them to follow up after a month.

“Can he continue to take his three large pegs of rum every night? He cannot sleep otherwise” she asked.

“In my 25 years of practice, I haven’t met anyone whose health improved with alcohol. Do please google that.” I gave her the dose she had begged for.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Please share unedited

The Music Called Life

The Music Called Life
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“What prize do you want”? My father asked me after I finished my tenth standard exams well.

I was desperately awaiting that question, knowing him well.

“A Sony Walkman” I replied almost instantly. I got one, the most basic Sony model, and lost myself for weeks in the stereophonic effects, collecting songs and recordings that had best quality. Right from the scratchy sound at the beginning, made by the record player needle-tip on the record disc, to the realization of different soundtracks on right and left, with separate sounds of each instrument. One favorite hobby was to select and follow only one instrument from the whole orchestra throughout the song.

Besides the music of MJ, Madonna, Beatles, the Indian stereo effect songs were a pleasure too. Ye bambai shehar haadson ka shehar hai (Kalyanji Anandji) and Pag Ghungroo Baandh, Thodi si jo pee lee hai (Bappi Lahiri) had the best stereo effects from the headphone. Kishore Kumar, Lataji, Lionel Richie, Cliff Richard, and Bee Gees became addictions. The collection grew enormously.

A cousin returning from the USA bought himself a Bose audio system, I was 18 then. I remember arranging the exact angles of the speakers, all directed towards one single chair at the center of the room, then taking turns to listen to “How Soon Is Now” (The Smiths). The strong wish that I must own the best music system for myself, make a music room in my home dawned that day, and is still thriving within me.

Much later, on a birthday, returning after ward work, I found a huge parcel at my hostel door, and the watchman told me that a fan had left it there. I had told some friends how I loved “Experiencing music”. Opening the box, I found the most advanced 8 speaker Panasonic music system, the home theatre one. That was one of the best gifts I ever received. The effectiveness of listening to music as a treatment for one’s negative moods is beyond question. I feel that good singers , those healers of soul, are better doctors than many medical degree holders,as their love songs and happy songs cure many a sad minds. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Recently when I listened to great music all the night with a very precious friend, a beautiful soul who understands that each instrument and even the voice of the singer has a different expression, other than the lyrics, who can feel music imprinted upon blood just as I do, I realized what I was missing in life. With this friend, the hear beats of life have become stereophonically audible again to me!

Technology has started drowning music into sounds, taking out meaning to be replaced by sound effects, we have almost lost the appreciation of the intricate fineries of meaningful music. The true feeling of listening to music is much like being underwater, if at all to compare: unless you drown yourself in it, you don’t feel it right!

Talking to patients, students, colleagues, this thought grew into a major revelation: we are losing our fineries not only about music, but also about feeling out other people: near and dear ones as much as strangers, both can have so much more meaning than the “bodies and words” that men and women have become now! There’s so much beauty in almost every human being who dares to preserve individuality without either copying anything or looking down upon anyone else.

An alert, feeling, self-aware mind that dwells upon the here and now is the best song nature has ever sung to me: and also the highest state a human mind can achieve. Unfortunately, we are lost in the digital-technology jungle, and take pride in either losing ourselves, escaping or running away from ourselves, or searching ourselves outside our own conscious reality. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

I have decided for now: that I want to live this music experience without compromising: I want to to feel every bit and piece of the music that life brings to me, through songs and their lyrics, through the rains and the sun, through eyes, touch and silence, and above all, the resonance that it generates within me.

Only Love can match the beauty of good Music.

For the music called life is never sad, and I want to always walk towards a happy inner peace.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Allopathy? Oh, No!

Allopathy? Oh, No!
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“Doctor, I don’t believe in Allopathy. There are so many traditional remedies that work wonders. We heard of this treatment where you eat certain flowers, and they cure everything, even cancer and AIDS.”
“Doctor, we hear that there are cures to many diseases, but the pharmaceuticals and doctors want people to be ill for longer, so the right treatments are hidden, and only useless costly medicines are prescribed.”
“I don’t want any medicines that cause side effects. I am allergic to almost every allopathic medicine”.

One standard answer:
“Then why are you here today?” © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

We live in a world brimming with superstitions and claims of all kinds. From parents killing a girl child to dowry deaths, from voodoo to sophisticated five-star magic healers, we have it all in our society.

Add education and a degree (not mandatory), add internet, and one becomes the King or Queen of personalized wisdom. Now one can question anything except one’s beliefs and random internet claims. Even years of training and scientifically proven facts, good or bad.

From scorpion bites to poisons of different kinds, from heavy metals in overdose to drinking one’s own pee, there are claims of cure that have been refuted by authentic scientific research, but then the easiest thing to question and suspect today are scientific knowledge and a doctor’s integrity and training, no matter how little one has studied medicine. Just as most hospitals struggle to fight infections, people happily drink urine: mostly studded with some of the deadliest microorganisms known. The fact that many children have died of Urine therapy does not seem to affect the popularity of this myth. By this logic, a person with kidney failure who is not urinating should become immortal! But only the proponents of this therapy will be able to tell why kidney failure patients die within hours of not passing urine. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

I had a classmate who would blindfold his eyes and cross a live railway track, to prove his courage. Whenever someone questioned his safety, his pet answer was “I have done this many times, nothing has happened”.

It stands to reason (again a doubtful criteria in some communities: why base arguments upon reason when there’s superstition?), that if you believe that all Allopathy is a hoax, you have a complete freedom to stay away from it all your life; that at least will save the Allopaths some burden and free them from the daily sins they are so presumed to commit by treating with a hoax science! May be one can wear brass badges that say “I don’t want Allopathic treatment, don’t take me to an Allopathic hospital even if I am serious”.

While some Allopathic doctors do use medicines injudiciously sometimes, it is seldom with an intention to cause harm, no doctor thrives on a bad reputation. Everyone wants their patient to get better.

Those who do believe that doctors are only after money, that Allopathy is just another deception, that most treatment choices that doctors make are selfish, they are welcome to never enter another hospital again in life. There are umpteen non Allopathic therapies from magic to music that are claimed to cure every ailment that Allopathy cannot.

Is there nothing better to do in your life than to visit places that you don’t believe in? Do you get a high questioning a doctor’s scientific knowledge while being unable to question your own unscientific hearsay myths? © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

God forbid, but next time someone is sick and dehydrated, down with a pneumonia that stops breathing, has a heart attack, or bleeding from a head injury, please call that friend who suggested that scorpion stings heal everything. May be he can help.

What will happen if children are not vaccinated? What will happen if all Allopathic hospitals are shut down?

Stand outside the discharged patient’s section in any Allopathy hospital, you will hear daily stories of returning from death’s clasps. From polytrauma to cured cancers, from patients recovering from a paralysis to stopped hearts beating again, Allopathy brings life to most. Have some respect for what science has achieved!

Allopaths should stop wasting time arguing with those who continuously belittle Allopathy and sing praises for the unscientific. Use that time for saving lives of those who need you better. The easy answer is: “Yes, you may drink your pee or pet a poisonous scorpion if you enjoy its bites for your health”. Reserve the social education for those who understand logic.

We don’t believe that science needs permissions to be accepted. What is proven goes through rigorous scrutiny and is then marketed. But then again, this is expected to be understood by only those with a certain mental education, reasoning ability and logic, those who are not carried away by every myth they hear.

As for the rest, may your faith and belief alone heal you.
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

PS: There are some traditional remedies that help some medical conditions. That does not refute the benefits that Allopathy has brought to mankind.

The Living Phoenix

The Living Phoenix
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
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“Stop treating me as if I am only a woman!” she told the bank manager, who probably did not grasp the meaning of that sentence. Little did he know who he was dealing with.
Sharon Harmon Muir is a lady to beat most men. Right from Religion to Depression, she has fought her battles with the determination to win. She indeed won them, including her last battle with suicidal-level depression.
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4 years ago I met her with her husband Harry Muir, for some mild memory issues which turned out to be the symptoms of severe stress and depression. As she revealed the details of her life, I realized what an extraordinary life she had been living. When analyzing her own thinking and her art (painting), she said things that made me realize her genius.
I gave her a compliment I had rarely used: “You are one of the most brilliant minds I ever met”.She laughed aloud, looked at her husband, and winked “I told ya!”. Mr Harry was only too happy and proud.
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Sharon was born in South USA to parents who were mill workers. She started her theatre performances at the age of 13. She sold her first painting at the age of 15. She was actively involved in civil rights movement. Once while service in the church, a black couple was denied entry in the church. Sharon quit organized religion that day, protesting against racial prejudice.
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She went to an all-male institute of design and technology, University of North Carolina and later started teaching men at the same center to use power tools and build theater sets (That was in the 1960s!). She studied various art forms, ballet, composing music, painting and much more, also working as an electrician.

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She says: my job profile was easy: whatever anyone could not do, I offered to do it for them. Working at such odd jobs, she met Harry Muir, who was a political protester within the US army. As Harry was jailed, Sharon’s family opposed the marriage. She was even labeled “carni-trash” then. Together Sharon and Harry worked as college professors, musicians, fine artists, magicians, and stood for each other. Sharon got an excellent corporate job, so Harry decided to complement it by choosing to be a house-husband, cooking and serving and looking after their daughter, and when the daughter went to school, he spent his time as a street singer.
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At the age of 50, during menopause, the first attack of depression struck Sharon. In her own words, “It wasn’t me who was sad and suicidal, it was like someone else within me. I fought those thoughts, I knew I had to overcome this”. She developed severe panic attacks that prevented her from going out of their home. So she trained a Scottish terrier who would stop the traffic for her, take her to a safe place and then find Harry!They reached India in search of spirituality, finding it at Meherabad, and settled there. She continued to work as a painter and musician. “I was lucky that I could be the head of the family” she comments, although every time she speaks of Harry now, her voice becomes tender.
Once on a flight from Atlanta to Paris, Harry collapsed and was resuscitated. He was shifted to an ICU in Paris from the airport, and was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis (shrinking and progressive failure of lungs) of unknown origin. A few weeks later, they returned to India. In January 2016, Harry suddenly collapsed and passed away while in a hospital. Sharon kept on resuscitating her life partner of 50 years, till the hospital staff arrived after 8-10 minutes. She cannot forget that trauma.
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With this loss, her depression resurfaced again, stronger than ever.
The worst loss in life is not death, it is the loss of love. Once more, suicidal thoughts and severe depression engulfed Sharon. To be left alone in a foreign country at the age of 67 is not easy.
“My belief system is very strong. I know my intelligence is above average, so there was no reason I couldn’t do everything I wanted, if I just put my mind to it” she tells how she decided to overcome her depression. “I read about it all I could, tried to get help, and got it”. She is thankful for getting good medical help in India, although she adds with a wink “I didn’t want a doctor who pats my back and laughs aloud telling me not to worry. I wanted a doctor who understands me, my illness and my worries as well”.
After Harry’s death, she had to clear a lot of legal hassles and banking formalities. Her daughter helped her there. When one bank manager tried to behave high-handed thinking that she’s just a woman unable to cope up, she told him : “Stop treating me as if I am only a woman!”.
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When she visited me recently, she laughed a lot and told me: “This time again, I have chosen to defeat my depression. I will never give up. Back to life now”.
I usually keep busy, but when some patients talk, I want to listen to the beauty they create in my life. They expand my mindscape. When I asked Sharon what was her favorite subject for painting, she answered with a mysterious smile: “I paint the colors of the spirits of places”.
As I drank in the beauty of that sentence, I realized that the soul of this extraordinary woman can only have one title: “Phoenix”. The legendary bird is not imaginary, so long as we meet people like Sharon. This great magician called nature has given us the magical ability to be everything we want to be, to be happy, to win over any challenges we might face, just with a small trick: wanting to do it.
Sharon is an extraordinary example of that magic.
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
Thank you, Sharon Harmon Muir, for the permission to share the story of your extraordinary life.

Please share unedited for spreading awareness about fighting depression.

When once I met God

When once I met God
(c) Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Rainy Sunday. My Corolla, still young at 8 years.

I had just finished rounds and was still irritated at the never ending task list. From grocery to Income tax, there always is something pending, and what’s done is never enough. Countless patients with their endless problems, trusting you to solve them, and many suspicious that you have other intentions. Add the cut-throat professional competition where hitting below the belt is a smart move, and frame the picture with the duties towards each relation, closer the costlier. Driving through the city, you cross faceless somebodys flaunting ugly egos. Their middle name is money. Bribe hungry vampires wait at every corner, dressed in official greed. Nothing to be proud of, nowhere to go and nobody to look up to.

Life felt like a carcass with vultures on all sides, tearing me away.

Top gear, I entered the expressway and switched on my mental autopilot: the beautiful sound system that was prepared to play the huge collection of music: seventeen thousand tracks, pieces of history encoded in sound, human creation that separated us from animals.

The system burst alive with “Les Valses de Vienne” by Dmitri Shostakovich / Francois Feldman (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6mwqQvv99c ), and my brain lit up at the smiling face of my most favourite actress Sophie Marceau dancing gracefully to the waltz.
Irritability vanished, and a hopeful yearning for good days started whistling to the tune of this eternal piece of music. It hijacks my brain every single time. Born to a shop maid and a truck driver who divorced when she was nine years old, she made to the top in French films and a mark in Hollywood. She must have had her mountains of problems and valleys of a lustful society to overcome before she reached the top, but she indeed made happy memories for the world! It must be so damn difficult to smile and love and dance in front of a camera, knowing inside the reality called world. Then I felt it: that the beauty is your inside, what you can be, what you do good. Nothing outside will ever change, and the mirage of a utopian society will always kick between the legs of most idealists. But at the end of the day, what one will run to, what one will beg for, and what one will regret having lost is this: that all the time one had to do good and feel happy was wasted in feeling bad about what people are and what they do.

The music system, competing with the madness of its owner, shuffled to Simon and Garfunkel’s “El Condor Pasa”.. “A man gets tied up to the ground, He gives the world its saddest sound” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNbltoivskc ) . How tightly we hold on to the ground, never letting go! How religiously we guard the image we like to create of ourselves for others, and how much beauty of life we sacrifice to safeguard that image!

The rain decided to be nice for once, and became torrential. If at all it rains, it should rain like the final war, or it should not rain at all!

“Moonriver” by Henry Mancini started, as Audrey Hepburn sung in a most loving, melodiously romantic voice, what the heart had always craved: “There’s such a lot of world to see… we’re after the same Rainbow’s end” … so many artists have made timeless icons of lovely moments that soak our lives..

God knows how mute love would have been without music, and how dry without the rains!

The uncontrollable desire to get drenched, suppressed for long, took over me. No book said it was unbecoming of a doctor. I parked on the shoulder and got out. Happy raindrops jumped upon my being and got hold of everything I had.

Ironically, the happiest and the saddest moments in life are when you have nowhere to go and nothing to prove. If you hold a hand in the rain, you are the luckiest, richest in the world. If that hand holds your hand too, you have lived life.

Steaming hot poisonously sweet tea, made by a roadside stall, added to the flavour of that moment. Like a loving but stern mother slapping the bum of her naughty child, nature had shooed shut human movement, a reminder to the highest rule: enjoy happiness while alive. . Big and small, rich and poor, all looked at the sky, content with nothing, smiling at the rain, forgetting the desire to earn more in that moment!

Nostalgic, I recalled sitting by my father and watching water-lily buds broken open by raindrops. I remembered my stunningly beautiful friend with curly hair who kissed me on Marine Drive by the roaring sea under the stormy rain, standing on that parapet, forgetting that there were shocked people around. I remembered falling flat upon my back like a hundred idiots while running with my kids, telling them to be careful.

What is it that I am running after now, with so many beautiful things around me: the music, the rain, the friends, my kids, coffee, books, driving, writing… What more will I buy that will make these things more meaningful? Is it worth being unhappy, being irritable with the world, trying to change people, having more money than being able to enjoy peacefully?

Once in a recent radio programme (recorded) Mr. Ameen Sayani, that messiah of voice, played a rare clip of speech by Mr. Raj Kapoor “Sangeet nahin hota toh jaane hum kahan hote, kya karte, kaise jeete (If there were no music, God knows Where we would be, what we’d do or how we’d live)”.

I suddenly realized, that the music, the drive, the road and the rain had conspired to take away my worries. They had reset the method in my madness. The eternal ‘Flute’ so dearly mentioned in “Geetanjali” by Rabindranath Tagore had played in me.

The rain had stopped for now. The music never will.

Thus I met God in my own Happiness.

(c) Dr. Rajas Deshpande