Tag Archives: Poetry

The Music Called Life

The Music Called Life
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“What prize do you want”? My father asked me after I finished my tenth standard exams well.

I was desperately awaiting that question, knowing him well.

“A Sony Walkman” I replied almost instantly. I got one, the most basic Sony model, and lost myself for weeks in the stereophonic effects, collecting songs and recordings that had best quality. Right from the scratchy sound at the beginning, made by the record player needle-tip on the record disc, to the realization of different soundtracks on right and left, with separate sounds of each instrument. One favorite hobby was to select and follow only one instrument from the whole orchestra throughout the song.

Besides the music of MJ, Madonna, Beatles, the Indian stereo effect songs were a pleasure too. Ye bambai shehar haadson ka shehar hai (Kalyanji Anandji) and Pag Ghungroo Baandh, Thodi si jo pee lee hai (Bappi Lahiri) had the best stereo effects from the headphone. Kishore Kumar, Lataji, Lionel Richie, Cliff Richard, and Bee Gees became addictions. The collection grew enormously.

A cousin returning from the USA bought himself a Bose audio system, I was 18 then. I remember arranging the exact angles of the speakers, all directed towards one single chair at the center of the room, then taking turns to listen to “How Soon Is Now” (The Smiths). The strong wish that I must own the best music system for myself, make a music room in my home dawned that day, and is still thriving within me.

Much later, on a birthday, returning after ward work, I found a huge parcel at my hostel door, and the watchman told me that a fan had left it there. I had told some friends how I loved “Experiencing music”. Opening the box, I found the most advanced 8 speaker Panasonic music system, the home theatre one. That was one of the best gifts I ever received. The effectiveness of listening to music as a treatment for one’s negative moods is beyond question. I feel that good singers , those healers of soul, are better doctors than many medical degree holders,as their love songs and happy songs cure many a sad minds. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Recently when I listened to great music all the night with a very precious friend, a beautiful soul who understands that each instrument and even the voice of the singer has a different expression, other than the lyrics, who can feel music imprinted upon blood just as I do, I realized what I was missing in life. With this friend, the hear beats of life have become stereophonically audible again to me!

Technology has started drowning music into sounds, taking out meaning to be replaced by sound effects, we have almost lost the appreciation of the intricate fineries of meaningful music. The true feeling of listening to music is much like being underwater, if at all to compare: unless you drown yourself in it, you don’t feel it right!

Talking to patients, students, colleagues, this thought grew into a major revelation: we are losing our fineries not only about music, but also about feeling out other people: near and dear ones as much as strangers, both can have so much more meaning than the “bodies and words” that men and women have become now! There’s so much beauty in almost every human being who dares to preserve individuality without either copying anything or looking down upon anyone else.

An alert, feeling, self-aware mind that dwells upon the here and now is the best song nature has ever sung to me: and also the highest state a human mind can achieve. Unfortunately, we are lost in the digital-technology jungle, and take pride in either losing ourselves, escaping or running away from ourselves, or searching ourselves outside our own conscious reality. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

I have decided for now: that I want to live this music experience without compromising: I want to to feel every bit and piece of the music that life brings to me, through songs and their lyrics, through the rains and the sun, through eyes, touch and silence, and above all, the resonance that it generates within me.

Only Love can match the beauty of good Music.

For the music called life is never sad, and I want to always walk towards a happy inner peace.

© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Goodbye, Doctor

Goodbye, Doctor
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“Screw this satisfaction. Dump this happiness. Can you try to understand that I am fed up of both?” said Dr. Sahil. He was one of the busiest and most respected specialist in our town.

Surprised at a superspecialist doctor friend speaking this, still impressed by his ability to identify and speak the truth about himself. I let him go on.

“There’s no guilt. There’s no regret. I have done my best since school. Topped everything. I did not feel the extra effort: I finished graduation, PG and Super PG by merit alone, that too without having to make a great effort. I have practiced over 15 years now. I did some research, but don’t enjoy the kind of research that goes on in Clinical medicine now. I have practiced with all my heart, and all my time. Now I don’t want to. Repetition kills me, and I cannot see anything but that now”. He paused.

We shared the best bond between two humans: mutual respect with no curtains. Either of us didn’t feel the necessity to modify speech for political correctness or covering up naked feelings.

I replied: “I understand. But we always thought that we need to save lives, give back to the society. So many will benefit with your genius”. I realized just as I spoke, there was something hollow about that. Or did he just uncover a mirror in me?

Sahil was as calm as a meditating saint. “I don’t feel so. Nobody’s saving lives. We use scientific knowledge to try and treat the medical conditions we see, try to comfort the suffering with our kindness, and earn our bread under the continuous threat of something going terribly wrong. I have studied for fifteen years, and served the society back for more than that.”

We sipped our coffee in silence for some time. Hans Zimmer’s ‘Discombobulate’ was playing at that time in my chamber. Coincidences are too much sometimes. That heavenly symphony of all disconcerted instruments played by the expert musicians is one of the best things in human history I think (link below).

He smiled at the music. “I did not promise anyone to spend an entire lifetime doing what I don’t want to do anymore. I respect the gratitude I received, although it was rarely pure and sustained. I am sure many better than me will replace me and continue to treat patients who need care. I have never felt respected or accepted in the society, it was always with the caveat of ‘not all doctors are good’ that the people who I served looked at me, not the other way round.“

He became serious. “I don’t want now to work hard all day and night, be serious all the time, and step up my already busy schedule to reprove my abilities again and again. I am fed up of having to prove my worth and abilities to those who I do good to. When almost every illiterate as well as the educated questions my intentions, I don’t think anyone deserves an explanation. Half my time is spent now explaining the patient what is good for them, why they must do the tests and take the medicines, how I cannot predict all side effects or complications and be held responsible for them. I became a doctor to treat people, not to cover up for their suspicious ignorance with my knowledge and time”.

Somewhere deep, I understood him. But the ego of a doctor: that we have “accepted” the responsibility to serve prodded me to argue with him. I said so.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

“Who are we serving, Rajas?” He asked. “Society? Government? People? To what end? Where do you see this service either recognized, rewarded, acknowledged or reciprocated?. Then again, where does it all end? The line of unaffording poor is unending, the complaints of affording are mounting, and I seldom get a peaceful night’s sleep, inspite of a clear conscience. I will retire without enriching my own life”.

I remembered my favourite author Richard Bach’s view: “The simplest questions in life are also the most difficult ones to answer”.

My lawyer friend, Advocate Shrirang Choudhary, had time and again pulled me out of civil hospital Nanded. I had this habit of ‘living’ inside the hospital, beyong the 12 hours duty. I would just go home to take a bath and one time meal, then return and stay to assist every consultant I could: there was such a sense of fulfillment in learning!

Shrirang would pull me out, we went to the riverbanks and he ensured that we talked for a few hours anything except medical world. “You will kill yourself if you spend all your life in the obvious negativity that is the milieu of any hospital. There’s more to life than being a good doctor. Treat yourself to the immense beauty life has to offer. You have only one lifetime, and limited active years”.

I realized how much I had wanted to pursue a career in poetry, music, philosophy and adventure. It was with such ease and passion that I had given up all of it, proud that I will be saving lives. Now after 15 years of practice I saw another valid viewpoint.

“You get used to the satisfaction and happiness, the challenges and the victories in healthcare. I can understand that some may enjoy the repetition of the same for umpteen years: in fact an entire lifetime. But can you please also understand that to me it feels like an artist who paints only one big picture or sings only one song in his entire lifetime?”

I knew what he spoke about. I was suffering the same, but had avoided to think of it.

“Do what you want in your spare time. Reduce practice. You must take a break” I suggested, “A long break.”
To lighten up the mood, I added, “Although people will immediately say that some pharmaceutical sponsored your holiday and fun”.

“I wish I cared what people thought” he smiled, “And I don’t want to run away. I don’t want to do anything half hearted. I want to walk out gracefully. Like a saint or a seer walking out upon the world and going to the Himalayas. Why is that more respectable than a doctor wanting not to be a doctor?”
I did not have an answer.
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Dedicated to those who understood this post.

Hans Zimmer’s Discombobulate music video:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R89UGKuyodk&index=2&list=FLHqY_yEsrcQFcedWLQUF2Pg)

तुम देशभक्त नहीं हो सकते!

तुम देशभक्त नहीं हो सकते!
© राजस देशपांडे

ईमानदारी से अपना काम करते हो,
नेकी से घर चलाकर, परमात्मा को पूजकर
अपने बच्चों को बापू की कहानी सुनाते हो,
पर तुम्हारे पास जबतक वक़्त नहीं है नारे लगाने का..
नेता की जूती को सर आँखों पर रखकर
मेरे चुने देशभक्ति के गीत गाने का…
तुम देशभक्त नहीं हो सकते!

मेहनत कर, पढ़ लिख कर देश की सेवा में
पीढ़ी दर पीढ़ी तुम्हारी भले ही वैज्ञानिक बनी हो..
देश विदेश में भले ही तुम्हरी बुद्धि, और कला
देश की गरिमा-सी सराही जाती हो
पर तुम्हारे पास जबतक वक़्त नहीं है नारे लगाने का..
नेता की जूती को सर आँखों पर रखकर
मेरे चुने देशभक्ति के गीत गाने का…
तुम देशभक्त नहीं हो सकते!

सीमा पर लड़ता हर स्वाभिमानी जवान भले ही
लड़ रहा हो देश की खातिर, मेरी तुम्हारी खातिर,
तुम्हारे मन में भी उसके प्रति हो भाई-भगवान सी भावना
पर तुम्हारे पास जबतक वक़्त नहीं है नारे लगाने का..
नेता की जूती को सर आँखों पर रखकर
मेरे चुने देशभक्ति के गीत गाने का…
तुम देशभक्त नहीं हो सकते!

लाखों मरीजों को भले ही तुम ज़िन्दगी देते हो
करोड़ों विद्यार्थियों को पाठशाला में अपनेही बच्चों जैसे
बढ़ाते पढ़ाते हो, नेकी की राह और देशप्रेम सिखलाते हो
पर तुम्हारे पास जबतक वक़्त नहीं है नारे लगाने का..
नेता की जूती को सर आँखों पर रखकर
मेरे चुने देशभक्ति के गीत गाने का…
तुम देशभक्त नहीं हो सकते!

इंसान को रंगों में बांटकर, तलवार छुरी चलाकर
इतिहास का बदला जबतक वर्तमान से लेते नहीं हो,
तुम देशभक्त नहीं हो सकते!
उबले खून की जवान नस्लों को गजरे बाँध
सोने में लथपथ लार टपकाना सिखाते नहीं हो..
तुम देशभक्त नहीं हो सकते!
भेड़ बकरियों की तरह ऊँगली उठने पर सलाम नहीं करते हो..
तुम देशभक्त नहीं हो सकते!

शिवाजी, सरदार और नानक के देश का शेर होकर भी
तुम्हारे पास जबतक वक़्त नहीं है नारे लगाने का..
नेता की जूती को सर आँखों पर रखकर
देशभक्ति के गीत गाने का…तुम देशभक्त नहीं हो सकते!
राजस देशपांडे
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande