Tag Archives: Pregnancy

The Official Daily Murders In India

The Official Daily Murders In India
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
She was breathing heavily. Pale and weak, she could barely speak. The ghoonghat covered her head, but her single eye that could be seen had given up hope. She looked at me just as she would have looked at God, begging to save her, or at devil, begging to end it all.
20, pregnant for the third time, in her eighth month, she was on the verge of death.
Her in-laws and two daughters accompanied her. “She has always been weak. We ask her to eat well, but she does not like to eat at all. You fire her, Doctorsahab. Ask her to eat well. How else will the child get food? This is her third child”. Somehow, the emotional words of her mother in law appeared as dry as the moving appeals of a political leader.
“She will need admission. She has very less blood (haemoglobin) remaining, she may require blood transfusion. Where is her husband?” I enquired.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
“He has gone for work. He said he will talk to you on phone”.
I asked them to call her husband immediately. She was admitted. They could not arrange blood, she was transfused enough to settle her heart rate and blood pressure. The obstetrician saw her simultaneously, and took over.
Her husband had a guilty expression, but did not talk. The mother in law took charge. “What can we do, doctorsahab? He has to go to work. We try our best to treat her well, but she is very slow. She was probably a laadli (excessively beloved) at her maika (parent’s home), now she cannot work. She does not even eat well. Who will do the work at home? My son married her with the normal expectation: that someone will take care of his home and parents, and give him a son. Now if she cannot do it because she cannot work or does not eat, what is his fault?”
“Does that allow him to kill her, his wish to have a child?” I asked her.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
Millions of Indian girls, married too early and too deficient already, are forced through pregnancy after pregnancy for their socially expected “duty” of producing a son. Poor diet, low levels of iron and other essential vitamins, minerals and proteins push their health to the verge of extreme torture: pain, weakness, breathlessness and many risks to health and life. Such a health status of the mother also badly affects the child, and many children are born with defects that are rarely noticed until they grow up.
This shameful phenomenon is seen at all levels of financial status, literacy, or location. It takes less than five thousand rupees to correct the maternal nutritional status and maintain it throughout pregnancy. Many cheap and healthy diets are recommended. But the love and care for a woman that must come from the in-laws is lacking in most cases, and the society that is busy with black and white money, patriotism and other higher causes in life, does not have time to correct black mind sets: of owning the health and life of a woman.© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
Thousands of Gynaecologists and Obstetricians, Medical Officers, Interns, Resident Doctors take it upon themselves to fight with this situation desperately: spending their own money, time and effort, in an ocean of apathy called social attitudes and administration failures. Hundreds of private practitioners and hospitals make available free treatments, counselling, investigations, consultations and other help for the pregnant women who cannot afford it all. All this is never acknowledged. Every OBGYN practicing in India, especially in rural India deserves highest civilian awards for doing far beyond their assigned duties. Instead, they are tortured by one-sided laws that presume everyone guilty of mal-intention.
There are many laws that the society can use against doctors. The Supreme court can appoint any number of judges on any big financial or other institutes and seal their accounts, suspend them, even call for midnight hearings. The government can meet overnight for special issues. But nobody has time to stop the “forced motherhood on deficient women of India” that causes thousands of deaths every year. © Dr. Rajas Deshpande
Do we have guts to make a law to make “Physical Fitness” of a woman a compulsory criteria before she becomes pregnant? Can the OBGYN society or IMA float a request for such a law, where it would be possible to punish the husband / in-laws for enforcing pregnancy upon a weak woman? © Dr. Rajas Deshpande
What do you call such a society that kills starving women and their children by expectation?
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

The Hell In Our Mind

The Hell In Our Mind
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande
“Did you look at her ****? Asked my classmate.
We were in college. I felt blood rushing to my ears. What if my mother or father heard this? I thought.
“No, I didn’t. Why?” and there followed unnecessary volumes of gyaan.
This girl from a rich business class minority in India was one of the most meritorious in our college. She was also supposed to be very beautiful, and (now that my classmates had too much talk about it, I couldn’t ignore), also had a nice figure. There were fan clubs after her. Some were also jealous of me as she often talked to me and my friend Shafi after the college. She had a heart more beautiful than her smile!
Everything changed one day. She had a bad accident. Without helmet, she suffered many injuries to her face and had multiple fractures. She recovered well, but had a totally scarred face, a twisted arm and a limp as remaining deficit.
Like magic, all the fans disappeared. Her worth as a female in their eyes was suddenly reduced, thanks to her exterior. The attention shifted elsewhere.
Once, while walking back after college under a wet evening, she asked me “Do you think I am beautiful? Answer the truth, what you feel”.
Just as I paused for a second for the right words to say “Yes” without sounding artificial, she added : “Say no. Because I hate the word ‘beautiful’ now”.
From books to scriptures, from Hollywood to Bollywood, from cultures to parents, men and women have insisted that the only woman worthy of being a woman, the only woman worthy of living a life full of love, attention and praise is the beautiful, young woman with a great body who can bear children. Women who are not physically endowed, who cannot bear children or compensate for it by different methods, who are not earning for the family are considered equivalent of ‘useless’ in our so called civilised world. Rarely do marital ads desire “Honest, Truthful and Caring” people, we know what they all demand.
Where do others go, those who are not physically attractive? How do they accommodate to men or even women drooling over physically attractive bodies?
A lot of Zen taught me: “Everyone is beautiful but still think they are not”. 
But it did not answer why the humans evolved to love only the exterior. By no means that is any sign of intelligent evolution. A beautiful young lady gets a lift faster, a phenomenon amplified in movies, with her showing off more skin to stop traffic. Aren’t we missing the obvious?
Recently, in my OPD.
“Doctor, I am not considered to be alive. My being is useless. I have stopped eating now. Suicide is my only relief” she said, amidst unending sobs. “This world is made only for useful women, I am supposed to be useless”.
Very intelligent. Elegantly dressed, sharp in her grasp of the situation. Well behaved.
Last week she had had a blackout.
Her examination being normal, I had asked her carefully if she had any stress. The answer came out in the form of an ocean of tears as she choked, she still wanted to defend the secret that hurt her.
After a cup of water, she made up her mind. “Doctor, please never tell anyone, that I told this to you. I cannot have children. The doctors who treat for fertility are trying their best. There are issues on both sides, but my husband does not want to talk about it to his parents. They presume it is all my fault. Although my hubby is well educated, his parents are quite orthodox. It is four years since marriage, and now I have become the target in my own home. When my husband is out, I am left to bear innumerable taunts.. I tried telling my mother in law in confidence, but she declined to believe that her son had any fault. Now they want me to leave, but they cannot openly say so. Where will I go now?”
“My husband talks to me now as if I am some unwanted burden. He just snaps or shouts and prefers to stay away from me even when at home. We have a purely mechanical relationship now, where I serve as his robot. I never imagined such a loveless life”. She paused till another bout of humiliating thoughts were swallowed. “I was working when I married. I quit my job in anticipation of pregnancy. Now he says I should not join till I have at least one child. Work will increase stress, the doctor says it may affect my becoming pregnant”.
“You need to meet a counsellor together” I advised her.
“We did. My husband refused to see her again. My in laws use many bad words from different socio-religious contexts, so humiliating! My self esteem is all gone. Is a woman useless if she can’t have a child, Doctor? Do I become a lesser human if I don’t become a mother? I desperately want to have a child, I had so many dreams of motherhood, I am suffering this myself, but now I feel like an orphan with no one in the whole universe”.
I reassured her and sent her to a fertility specialist who was also an excellent counsellor herself.
With so many excellent facilities and experts now available for assisting fertility, treating infertility and aiding child bearing in every possible way, India is at the forefront in this field. Add to this the cheapest treatments compared to the developed world, and best trained doctors. Still, there are cases where couples cannot have children. All the blame is automatically placed upon the woman. Leave aside the inability to have children, the woman suffers “denial of human being” status with this fault of nature.
There are so many laws against discrimination. Yet, one of the worst open discrimination in the world is against people who are physically unattractive, especially women, more so if they cannot have children. The change has to start from within each of us. How we think, what we say and how we behave must all change to eliminate this discrimination, worse than racism, because it comes from one’s own!
Yo mama cannot be ugly, hence no other woman can be.
© Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Female Foeticide versus Lifelong Socio-cultural Sadism?

 © Dr. Rajas Deshpande

Whenever female foeticide is discussed, many self-crowned intellectuals run the horses of their pseudo-western philosophy against the entire medical profession. Some irresponsible media asks opinions of the very same majority people for whom our desi government has to run billion dollar campaigns, educating them to shit in the toilet. Might as well ask them the solutions for global warming, terrorism and corruption!

What does our society do once a female child is born (again with the help of doctors)? 

Daughter, Sister, Wife and Mother: almost every female around us (except probably a girlfriend) is taken advantage of, ordered around, made to compromise, told that she must accept the limitations of being a woman, and in general made to live an enslaved and dependant life, under sweet names of love, responsibility, security and a “bad world for women out there”. Who makes this bad world?

In many cultures, the girl child is fed poorly: typically the ghee and sweets and “costlier” food goes to the male child, especially in big poor families. Even the rich and educated are seen having many daughters in a hope to have a male child, and after having one, spending far more on that male child. The girl child has little freedom to dress by choice and play, and is forced to believe from pre-adolescence that kitchen and bedroom are her workplaces for life. Many parents are averse to the idea of their girl child going to parlours or theaters and opting for friends, hobbies or even hairstyles of her choice.

Many parents do not spend upon the education of a female child, the “prime investment” goes in educating the male child even when the female child is smarter, intelligent and hard working.  A girl wanting to pursue higher studies is mentally raped by umpteen relatives who pressurise her parents into shame if she is not “married away” before 25 years of age. (RAMP syndrome: “Relatives Affected with Marriage Psychosis). The dreams of a female child are killed every moment, almost all her active life.  Most men in all fields opt that their wives “look after the kids and home” even if equally educated or better in some cases. While some recent generations encourage equality, this is only urban. A girl is trained to think and say “ I enjoy staying at home and looking after the family as this is what a woman is supposed to do. It is okay for the husband to come home tired or drunk, hit me if angry, and in general to take me perpetually for granted”.

Let a grown up girl walk on any street in India and watch our “manly” public’s eyes following her. You will understand how many of them truly respect women. Let a woman grow socially or at work, and observe the comments of her colleagues about her character. Let a woman decide to marry for love, and there are open decrees to kill her. In a country which runs local trains with one out of ten coaches for women, and reserves four out of twenty seats for ‘ladies’ in a bus, how many people really care for equality of a female foetus and it’s life? In a country where women have to be elected by reserving electorates across male-dominant cultures, who will enforce respect of a poor girl child?

In a society which wakes up to graphic contents of rapes and murders of females aged few months to upto seventy years, how many will stand up actually when a female is being raped or murdered? It is easy to shoot hate content against an educated, civil, non-violent community of doctors. It is easy to blame an entire profession for the faults of a few greedy doctors. Do these “pseudoactivists” have enough courage to stand up against their own female-enslaving culture? Do they have courage to treat their own wives, sisters and daughters at par with men in their own family/ community?

 On every street in every metropolis, hundreds of children – girls and boys- are made to beg naked, dancing, cleaning cars and ever hungry. Where are all the activists who fight for the agony of unborn female foetus? What are your plans for the already born female children begging insecure across the country on every street? Also, one wonders about their views on “male foeticide”, a common abortion. How come male child murders are forgiven? Some of these “pseudoactivists” are like typical orthodox husbands, who flirt with their female colleagues at work talking about freedom, but take an offence when their wife talks to other men.

Female foeticide is ugly, bad blot on our society. It must end. But please stop pinning the entire blame on the medical profession. The facts mentioned above are enough proof that even without the doctor being involved, our society continues to be extremely unjust and cruel to women. Introspect. The female foetuses must be saved. But after their birth they must also be nurtured, loved, respected, treated with genuine equality and given equal socio-cultural freedom. Do these activists have guts to fight for that? There should be a precondition for every “activist” of this cause to adopt at least one girl child, and look after her proper food and education giving her complete freedom.

Activism for females should not stop once they are born.

PS: The radiologists and gynaecologists / obstetricians have a lot more practice beyond and unrelated to abortions, and are far more human in caring for women than most of the society. None of the doctors starves without this “abortion business” as claimed by some activists and media. In a country where there is huge shortage of expert doctors, it is ridiculous that they have been made the easy targets for everyone’s mudslinging.  

Jai Hind.

(c) Dr. Rajas Deshpande